Week 793: Take the Fifth

Breed El Gato Malo with Smokin Stogies and name the foal Five Lives Left.

This week we celebrate the about-the-fifth anniversary of the Empress's reign -- if we don't, who will? -- with some instant nostalgia. This week: Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 725 through Week 789. Here are the restrictions: You may submit only one entry per contest (which still lets you enter as many as 65 entries, were you so inclined, and please don't be). And each entry must include the word "five" or "fifth" or something fiveish, as in the example above from Week 759, or -- depending on your favorite anniversary tradition -- something involving (a) wood or (b) silverware. You may refer to events that have occurred since the contest was printed; for contests that ask you to use The Post from a certain day or week, use today's or this week's. You can find all the contests at http://www.washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets -- just in time to be too late for Christmas -- two especially fine Christmas ornaments: First, from 145-Time Loser Dave Prevar, a very fancy, large, extremely effeminate reindeer who is balancing on a little ball and wearing a purple feather boa, not to mention bells hanging from his or her glittery antlers. Oh, he or she is also wearing large red bows around his or her ankles. And the Empress will add a personal find from the dollar store: an ornament that seems to be a hand grenade dressed as a skiing Santa, complete with goggles that perhaps were painted on by a blind person, and ski poles that reach no farther down than the bottom of Grenade Santa's torso.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air freshener (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.comor by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 8. Put "Week 793" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Dec. 27. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Mae Scanlan; this week's Honorable Mentions headline is by Mike Ostapiej. The idea for this week's contest is by Kevin Dopart.

Report From Week 789

in which, amid all the talk of the "Bush Doctrine," we asked you to come up with some other doctrines named for various people or entities:

4. The Joe the Plumber Doctrine: When you plumb the depths and stir it up, you're bound to get some on you. (John Bunyan, Cincinnati)

3. The Joan Rivers Doctrine: Sew on a happy face. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)

2. the winner of the Restop 2 Disposable Travel Toilet: The Palin Doctrine: Well, that's easy to explain: I have rules I believe in following that are based on my doctrine, which sets out the rules that are important to me if I'm to act in accordance to my doctrine and the rules that support it. (Marjorie Streeter, Reston)

And the Winner of the Inker

The Obama Doctrine: Now what? (Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)

Petered Principles: Honorable Mentions

The Palin Doctrine: Marriage is defined as the union between one man and one woman. Or one boy and one girl, in the case of my daughter and -- heyyyy, bucko, where's that ring? (Brenda Ware Jones, Jackson, Miss.)

The Danielle Steel Doctrine: Write what you know (will sell). (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

The Hefner Doctrine: Don't hire till you see the whites of their thighs. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)