Senator Matthews, D-MSNBC?

All right, but isn't there a law against acting like a moron?

This is taking research a step too far:

"Feds busted the FBI-agent boyfriend of actress Linda Fiorentino after he stuck his nose into sensitive files about disgraced private eye Anthony Pellicano -- the subject of a screenplay being penned by the 'Last Seduction' beauty.

"Veteran agent Mark Rossini, 47, was charged with five misdemeanor counts of illegally accessing FBI computers between January and July 2007," the New York Post reports.

"The G-man was one of the FBI's most popular figures and was often the bureau's frontman in highly publicized events. Now, he'll cop to accessing the files on the convicted investigator."

Slate's newest contributor isn't exactly winning plaudits from Salon's Andrew Leonard:

"Need to rehabilitate a career after utterly humiliating and disgracing yourself in front of the world? Get an online column at Slate!

"First came Henry Blodget, the go-go securities analyst for Merrill Lynch who symbolized, more than anyone else, the corrupt relationship between Wall Street analysts and the companies they covered during the dot-com boom years -- and got himself banned from the securities industry for life for his efforts. How he reinvented himself as a China expert for Slate, I still don't fully understand.

"But now comes an even bigger disgrace, Eliot Spitzer, the former governor of New York and high-end prostitute patron. He has some thoughts to share on the financial bailout. For the most part, I agree with him -- a Wall Street built from smaller companies could be more competitive on the world stage, and simply shoveling billions at existing mega-corporations to maintain the status quo doesn't seem like a forward-thinking policy.

"But fundamentally, I'm just flat-out impressed. What do you have to do in this country to absolutely, completely, ruin your long-term income-generating potential?"

Uh, steal your own sports memorabilia? O.J. is being sentenced today.

If A-Rod is right, there's been some pretty shoddy reporting out there:

"Alex Rodriguez has broken his silence for the first time about his mysterious relationship with Madonna.

"The bottom line? 'We're friends -- that's it,' A-Rod told People in an interview appearing on the magazine's Web site Friday morning.

"Also in the interview, A-Rod, 33, denies reports he travelled to Mexico with Madonna as well as the rumor that they are shopping for a Manhattan apartment together. 'I can tell you this -- I have never been on a plane with her,' A-Rod told the mag. 'I've been to two [Madonna] concerts, yet I've read that I went to 20. I've also read that we were buying an apartment together. That is absolutely ridiculous and not true.' "

Hey, he's ruining everyone's fun.