Now Available for Birthdays And Bar Mitzvahs

By Joe Heim, Justin Rude and Dan Zak
Sunday, December 21, 2008

Joe: Well, readers, it's never easy to say goodbye, and this farewell is harder than most. Our hearts are heavy and --

Dan: Oh, God, I hope you're not going to turn this final column into a weep fest.

Joe: You don't have to call me God, Dan. And I'm sorry if I'm a bit emotional. But after five years and 260 columns, it's difficult to not feel sad about it ending.

Justin: We've only been at this for a year.

Joe: Really? Hmm. Feels longer.

Dan: And we've taken a week off on several occasions.

Joe: Whatever. I still feel sad.

Dan: No sappy goodbyes. Let's go out like Redford and Newman in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," not like Debra Winger in "Terms of Endearment." Let's just answer the most important question we've received this year.

Joe: Fine.

Dear Wise Guys:

Why can't we find six-ounce cans of limeade anymore? We need them desperately for our favorite margarita recipe.


Dan: I like the image this question inspires. I imagine you, Jack, coming home from work to find your wife at the kitchen table. She looks up, her face tear-streaked, and utters, "I still can't find any." You know exactly what she means, and your face drains of color. Tonight, just like every other night this month, there will be no margaritas.

Joe: You could always buy six one-ounce cans. Though I always lose track after opening four and have to start over.

Justin: It's becoming increasingly obvious to me why this column is ending.

We received more than 100 e-mails and phone calls from readers who were grief-stricken about the end of 3WG (and sometimes about the Sunday Source in general). Thank you for caring. We have room to feature one of these e-mails, so we picked the shortest and the sweetest:

Three Wise Guys:

I want you to know I will really miss your column. Where will I go now to get the valuable advice that you provide? Will you keep in touch?

Nancy from Herndon

Joe: Thanks, Nancy. For answers to pressing questions, go where we go: Wikipedia. And, of course we will keep in touch.

Justin: If you tell us where you live, we'll stop by your house every Sunday and just hang out.

Dan: And we are all staying at The Post, so you are welcome to continue to e-mail us at and to read through the archives at We'll meet again. Don't know where. Don't know when.

And so we bid adieu to all of our faithful, extremely attractive readers. Thank you for your questions and humor. Clip this column and save it to show your grandchildren what life used to be like. Or if you're reading this online, use a glass cutter to remove the column from your monitor. We are not so much perishing in the wildfire of newspaper cutbacks as we are taking a respite on the isle of Avalon (mythical, not New Jersey). If The Post should ever need us, we will be back -- our wit polished like Excalibur -- to save the world.

* This final motto was submitted by us.

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