Week 796: Sincerest Flattery

Pink Freud -- Rock-group therapist: "Sometimes a guitar is only a guitar." (Chris Doyle, Jan. 3, 2000)

WWW.B.YEATS -- "I will arise and go now, and log on to Innisfree." (John O'Byrne, Dublin, Jan. 3, 2000)

As part of our recent series of tributes to (a.k.a. thefts from) the late New York Magazine Competition, we offer up another shot at one of its final installments, from 2000. It was suggested to us by 94-time Loser John O'Byrne of Dublin, who by pure coincidence happened to get ink in that particular contest, along with fellow NYM alum Chris Doyle. This week: Make a pun on a familiar name of a real or fictional person and provide a fitting description or quote, as in the New York Magazine examples above.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets a three-piece beautification set, once again from our anonymous donor in Oman: It consists of Hip Up Cream (with before-and-after photos of a saggy butt), Pink Nipple Beauty Cream and Touch Me Please Breast Enlarging Soap. The directions are in Thai. (The soap may require implantation for effectiveness.)

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air freshener (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 29. Put "Week 796" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Jan. 17. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by John O'Byrne.

Report From Week 792

our third annual desecration of a crossword puzzle created by Eternal Good Sport Paula Gamache, who even helped choose the winner and Losers among the clues that replaced her own.

Once again, we chose the funniest entries rather than insisting on one per word, so we have two or more clues for some words and skip others entirely. A few clues require some mental gymnastics; if one isn't immediately clear, try pronouncing the letters another way. For instance, AMMO is "morning routine." As in your A.M. MO. See? Go have some more coffee. We'll wait.

ACROSS

1. BABA: Swedish band after its breakup (Barry Haldiman, Lenexa, Kan., a First Offender)

5. OPEDS: Snakes, worms, fish, etc. (many entries)