Couch Slouch: Norman Chad on His Arizona Cardinals

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By Norman Chad
Monday, January 5, 2009

As a rule, unless one were born and raised in Arizona -- a place with a lot of sun, a lot of cactuses and a lot of Applebee's -- one feels no attachment to Arizona. Then explain this:

I have never lived in Arizona, nor even had a dream that was set in Arizona.

I've never been to Phoenix, Tucson, Mesa, Scottsdale, Tempe, Sedona or Flagstaff, nor even met anyone -- other than Michael Wilbon, who has failed to invite me to dinner in any of his homes -- claiming to reside in any of those towns.

I have no interest in the Grand Canyon; I prefer unnatural wonders, like Mall of America or Madonna.

And I doubt I'll ever retire to Arizona, though I figure Biosphere 2 might be fun to live in because that baby's got to have some really big big-screen TVs.

Yet the Arizona Cardinals, the Team of Destiny, are my team.

I adopted the Cardinals as my Team of Destiny in perpetuity when they signed Kurt Warner, with whom I have had a special relationship ever since I spotted him in NASA photos of Saturn in 1998 just before he landed with the St. Louis Rams.

Still, before the 2008 season, even with Warner my Cardinals seemed to trail, 10-0, in every game from the opening kickoff.

Alas, my team has been an NFL punch line for 30 years and counting. My team entered this postseason widely regarded as the weakest playoff entrant and one of the worst ever. My team -- playing the Atlanta Falcons, led by a rookie quarterback -- even was an underdog, at home.

How many times do I have to say this:

Nobody beats the Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium. Nobody.

Speaking of which, does an online university have online cheerleaders?


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