Going Where No Cardinals Fan Has Gone Before

Still, there was the matter of the Philadelphia Eagles, the third straight team to be favored over the Cardinals in the playoffs. I was so nervous before kickoff, I poured Metamucil into my Pabst Blue Ribbon instead of into my orange juice.

The Cardinals decided to close the roof.

(Unfortunately, this does not allow Warner's family on Cardassia III to look in.)

I knew the Cardinals would win when Philadelphia's David Akers, after making 19 straight playoff field goal attempts, missed a 47-yarder in the second quarter. I knew the Cardinals would win when, on the next snap, Warner threw a 62-yard touchdown pass to the incomparable Larry Fitzgerald on a trick play. I knew the Cardinals would win when Neil Rackers made a 49-yard field goal as the half ended to make it 24-6.

Granted, when the Eagles scored 19 straight points in the second half to take the lead, I got a queasy feeling, but I thought it just might be the $5 Subway Footlong I had mistakenly ingested.

They kept hitting my all-time favorite quarterback late, but Warner's magnetic force field repels such intellectual and physical stupidity. And trailing for the first time in the game, Warner led a 14-play, 72-yard drive culminated by an eight-yard touchdown pass to Tim Hightower.

I knew the Cardinals would win when the game ended and the scoreboard said they were ahead, 32-25.

They are the first Team of Destiny to ever reach its destination. They complete me.

I have no idea who won the AFC championship game; it is a trivial matter with no bearing on the Cardinals' ultimate destiny.

Anyway, I'm going to Disney World ¿ or wherever Tampa is ¿ for Super Bowl XLIII. Ruby Tuesday and T.G.I. Friday's, here I come!

Ask The Slouch

Q. If you have a big event at home, do you rest your PBRs in the fridge the week before and drink a backup like Miller or Bud? (Derek Zelenka; Akron, Ohio)

A. Historically, I only serve Miller or Bud to my in-laws.