Chivalry Begins at Home

Dear Miss Manners:

Last night, my wife made a pointed remark that when she went on a business trip with her financial adviser, he opened the car door, sat her in a restaurant and "acted like a gentleman."

I no longer do this for her because it just seems phony and old-fashioned, and, in a way, condescending of a woman's ability. Now, for her financial adviser to do this is understandable. After all, she is his client, not his wife. In today's world, should I do this?

Today's world where it is worthwhile to be charming to a client but silly to bother when it is only a wife?

Oh, you mean today's world where such manners do not charm but inspire defensive snarls. But you have made clear to Miss Manners, as your wife made clear to you, that this particular lady would be delighted. So please stop thinking that it is phony to please one's spouse.

Dear Miss Manners:

My wife is very refined and attractive and a little obsessive and compulsive when it comes to her grooming.

I appreciate that, but when we go out in public or meet others at a restaurant, she will bring her nail buffing set with her and buff her nails within the view of others.

I frequently mention that this appears to be either rude or just awkward and unsightly, given her desire to maintain appearances. She thinks it is nothing and no one should draw an opinion about it, including me.

I find the visual repetition and sound of it annoying. Shouldn't this kind of grooming be done at home or in private, or am I the one that is being too obsessive?