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Chivalry Begins at Home

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Sorry as Miss Manners is to have to point this out, she must observe that you have gallantly overestimated the qualities of this lady. There is nothing either refined or attractive about someone who does bathroom chores in public and who won't make the smallest change in her habits to avoid annoying her husband.

Dear Miss Manners:

Several months ago, we mailed out save-the-date cards to prospective out-of-town guests for our son's wedding. Due to circumstances beyond our control, the wedding guest list now needs to be reduced. We now need to let family and friends know that although they received save-the-date cards, they will not be invited to the wedding. What is the best and most polite way to do this, hopefully without incurring hard feelings or grudges?

There is no polite way to say, "We told you to wait for us, but you didn't make the final cut." Miss Manners suggests finding a way to cut the expenses, not the list of reserved guests.

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) at MissManners@unitedmedia.com or mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2009 Judith Martin

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