Norman Chad's Couch Slouch
The first part of this column will be a celebration of my Team of Destiny, the improbable, incorrigible Arizona Cardinals. The second part of this column will be a concession from your Slouch of Destiny on a losing bet I made with "radio personality" Colin Cowherd.
I will not enjoy the second part of this column.
As rewarding as my third wedding day was -- when I landed/duped Toni, a.k.a. She Is The One (And Then Some) -- watching the Cardinals rout the Carolina Panthers, 33-13, eclipsed it for sheer, sporting pleasure. Kurt Warner was otherworldly; then again, he is from another galaxy. And Larry Fitzgerald proved again that he not only catches anything within his reach, he sometimes also catches balls beyond his reach.
Everyone at Fox, including Bill O'Reilly, predicted the Cardinals to lose.
By the way, I have sent Jake Delhomme a HoneyBaked Ham for his contribution to the greatest day in Arizona history since it became the last of the 48 contiguous states to join the union in 1912.
Now the Cardinals get to play, at home against the Eagles, for a trip to Super Bowl 43. Remember: Nobody beats the Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium. Nobody.
(For those of you interested, for the first time ever I will be blogging live during the NFC championship game. Actually, I won't be blogging live -- I'm not Internet-fluent enough to do that -- rather, I will be shouting out of my living-room window every 45 seconds, so if you're within earshot, you'll get the best of my in-game thoughts.)
Meanwhile, today I must make good on my wager with ESPN Radio's perpetually pattering Cowherd. We bet on whether the Cleveland Browns would win more than eight games. The wager was over by midseason, which is how long it took Romeo Crennel to realize that Derek Anderson was not Dan Marino. I lost the bet, Crennel lost his job.
Yes, I'm depressed. Because Cowherd won, he gets to write part of this column. Plus who wants to lose a bet to a radio guy who just talks all day? There are a lot of commercial breaks, but I'll wager he's still talking during every break. I believe he talks on his way to work, on his way home from work, in the shower and in his sleep. I believe he talks in the reference room of the library and I believe he talks during a moment of silence.
You put an acorn in front of a squirrel and he eats it. You put a microphone in front of Colin Cowherd and he consumes it.
And it's always the same thing with this guy. Here's Cowherd -- verbatim -- from his show last Thursday, at 10:42 a.m. ET:
"Blah blah blah blah Pete Carroll walks on water. Blah blah blah blah BCS. Blah blah blah blah Bob Stoops is Sponge Bob Bowl Flop. Blah blah blah blah BCS."