Ovation Inflation: Take It Sitting Down

My husband and I were embarrassed by the gift we brought to an engagement party we went to last year.

We bought a funny relationship-comedy DVD and a box of popcorn to pop while the couple watched it. We thought it was a fun gift for them to enjoy during the stress of planning a wedding. The cost of the gift was probably $10. After all, it is still just an engagement that can be broken at any time.

However, when the engagees decided to open their presents in front of the group, we saw that they were receiving big-ticket items such as televisions and microwaves.

What is the appropriate gift for an engagement party? Especially if, as in my situation, you are close with the bride and will also be buying a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift? Or perhaps you are even a member of the bridal party and will have further expenses. Buying so many gifts for the same couple can get a little tiring -- and expensive!

Making embarrassment sound like the best choice.

However, Miss Manners sees no reason for you to be embarrassed. You gave a thoughtful little present, appropriate to the occasion, and if others choose to give two or more sets of what are, in effect, wedding presents, do not let it bother you.

Dear Miss Manners:

My fiance and I are on a tight budget and are planning a small family-only wedding. My mother would like to throw us an engagement party, a work buddy wants to give me a shower and I'd love to have a bachelorette party with my girlfriends.

Many people who would attend these events would not be invited to the wedding. I've heard from several sources that to not invite these people to the wedding is the height of rudeness.

Is that true? Do I really have to give up these special events because my fiance and I can't afford a big wedding? Please help!