A Woman in a Man's World: Is That How You Feel at Work?

Hi, I started a new job about four months ago. I'm a woman on a male-dominated team and no one really listens to me when I speak. For instance, I can say we need to do this -- five minutes later it's like I hadn't said it at all -- and it typically takes a male member on the team to repeat it before it sinks in. Another example would be the directing of questions/requests to a male member even though it's my responsibility and I've being doing/discussing the work.

I'm not taking any of this personally and my desire isn't to make a major push to change the dynamics of the team. Things are what they are, and the way I'm dealing with this is to just repeat myself or sell my thoughts to some team members prior to meeting with the group as a whole.

The only problem I'm having is when it comes to presentations. I'm fine with building and giving presentations, but now I find myself deferring to my manager to give presentations in this group. I would rather use the time to focus on the message, rather than the messenger. I feel that if my manager (a man) gives the presentation, we can make progress on the topic at hand. But how do I explain this to my manager so that he doesn't think I have a problem with presenting in general (which I don't), but in an odd way I'm trying to be a team player? Thanks.

About four years ago, scientists at the University of Sheffield published a paper purportedly explaining why men might appear not to hear women when they speak. The paper identified differences in the way that the brains of men process male voices versus more melodic and complex female voices. The publication of the study was followed by a flurry of commentary, much of it focused on the apparent exoneration of men for their failure to hear what women say.

Count me among the people who think that there is still no excuse for men ignoring women, particularly if they are colleagues. I applaud you for your ability to so dispassionately assess what for some would be an emotionally devastating experience. You are wise not to take this behavior personally, and I agree that it would be foolish for you to think that you could effect a sea change in the behavior of your coworkers. However, I do not think that it would be unreasonable for you to demand more consideration.

You can do so without coming across as pushy or shrill or any of the other unfortunate adjectives too often assigned to women who strive to have a voice in the workplace. When you assert ideas in meetings, be sure to speak loudly and clearly and not allow interruptions. Make sure that you are not raising the pitch of your voice at the end of your statements as if asking a question. When someone addresses a question to a coworker that should be addressed to you, politely interject that you will gladly provide the answer since you are actually the subject matter expert on such and such project. After a while, the point will start to sink in. As well, ask your manager for feedback about your communication style and specific suggestions for what you could do to hold your own in these discussions.

Which brings me to your question regarding presentations. As you might have predicted by now, I am solidly against the idea of you relinquishing to your manager the opportunity to present your ideas to the group simply because you fear that they will not be accepted. I think that the approach that you have taken of selling your ideas to colleagues in advance of meetings is brilliant. A similar approach might work in laying the groundwork for a successful presentation, especially if you commit your thoughts to writing. Also keep in mind that the format of a presentation is different from the informal dialogue of a meeting insomuch as you can count on visual aids to help you make your point.

Many good books have been written on the subject of how women can thrive professionally in male-dominated environments and I do not presume to effectively summarize all of those concepts in the relatively limited space of this article. My main point is just that I challenge your decision to agreeably accept your lot. Even if your workplace is a bona fide fraternity house, there is still much that you can do to establish your professional legitimacy. You just need to experiment with different approaches until you find one that works.

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Lily Garcia has offered employment law and human resources advice to companies of all sizes for more than 10 years. To submit a question, e-mail HRadvice@washingtonpost.com. We reserve the right to edit submitted questions for length and clarity and cannot guarantee that all questions will be answered.