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Monkey Business

(Eric Shansby)
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Gina: Oh, I can explain that. It's simple recognition. Every woman's sexual history includes at least one bonobo. "Oh, look, that's Vinnie from ninth grade!"

Gene: The study suggests that in reporting what aroused them, women seem to have been less than candid. Were they lying?

Gina: Maybe. But it's more likely that they were confused. Society has compelled women to become something unnatural, like "Riverdance" performers. We are expected to behave demurely in all places but the bedroom. So, from the waist up we are practically motionless, hands on hips in a perpetual attitude of motherly rebuke, but below, the thighs are parting, the legs are flying, the skirts are bouncing saucily. This creates a basic disconnection between mind and body. If women are confused, who can blame us?

Gene: None of this challenges the central fact that men are transparent and women are opaque.

Gina: It's a puny central fact. What's much more important is that women's eclectic appetites have created the civilized world as we know it.

Gene: What?

Gina: Social historians concede that civilization arose and prospered from men accomplishing things to impress -- and thus to bed -- women. And it turns out that women can be impressed and beddedby all varieties of complicated things, such as the writing of great poetry, the designing of timelessly beautiful buildings, the discovery of penicillin. Imagine what civilization would be like if it had to arise from women impressing men.

Gene: I'm trying.

Gina: I'll help you out. The single great accomplishment of civilization to date -- probably developed during the Middle Ages -- would be the boob job.

Gene Weingarten can be reached at Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon.

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