Tight Finances Needn't Pinch Social Outings

Dear Miss Manners:

My financial situation has changed recently, and not for the better. I am in a quandary about how to deal with invitations to events that I cannot afford.

These aren't invitations to extravagant balls but to meet for meals at moderately priced restaurants I used to frequent or attend movies and concerts at venues that used to be in my price range.

If I explain that finances are too tight, instead of changing plans, those extending the invitations offer to pay my share. While I appreciate their generosity, I don't always want to divulge my financial difficulties, nor am I comfortable having other people pay my share all the time.

When I initiate events, I do so in ways that are affordable to me and I believe others will enjoy, too, such as meeting for coffee or inviting them for a meal at my house.

Do you have any advice about how I can respond to others' invitations in a way that doesn't require me to divulge too much personal information, be a constant charity recipient or insult them by simply refusing?

With a bit of effort, you can be in the position of doing your friends a great service. Even if they are not feeling the pinch themselves these days -- and few people are not -- they may welcome a change from their routine.

So do some research about cheap eating places and free events and start suggesting the outings. Expensive is not necessarily better, in Miss Manners's experience, and if you choose well, you needn't mention that cost was a factor.

Dear Miss Manners:

Several of my co-workers were recently laid off. Some of them are finishing up a few things for a week or two before they leave, and others left the same day.

What do you say to an acquaintance who was just laid off? It's a painful time for them, and I want to say "I'm sorry" or "Are there things I can do to help?" but I don't want to come across as pitying them, or as saying "Ha-ha -- I'm still here, and you're not, sucks to be you!"