Week 806: DQ Very Much

"Mommy, quick, what should I order?"

"For every romantic possibility, no matter how robust, there exists at least one equal and opposite sentence, phrase, or word capable of extinguishing it."

This "Theory of Disqualifying Statements" was coined back in 1996 by theory-coiner Malcolm Gladwell in the brand-new online magazine Slate, in an "electronic diary" that we'd now call a blog. Gladwell discovered the principle when a woman he was flirting with announced that all her boring relatives had gone to Harvard, but not she; oh no, she was the black sheep, a maverick -- she went to . . . Brown. Pffft to the potential romance. Disqualifying statement.

Jay Levitt of Cambridge, Mass., who brought this theory to our attention, rightly suggests that a list of Disqualifying Statements would be a welcome antidote to any remaining toxic fumes of Valentine's Day sentimentality. He suggested: "my second parole officer," "the quintessence of the 'Star Trek' milieu" and "some of my World of Warcraft characters." This week: Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere).

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets the remote-control-motif necktie donated by Loser Peter Metrinko, whose visage formerly graced this page peeking through the leg hole of a pair of white briefs. (Peter has 255 Invitational ink blots and zero shame.) This cravat is an item of genuine value; indeed, its packaging clearly lists its genuine value at exactly $1.00.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 9. Put "Week 806" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published March 28. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name was sent by both Rick Haynes and Beverley Sharp; the revised title for next week's results is by Jeffrey Contompasis.

An Extra Contest: In these uneasy times, sometimes you just have to cross your fingers and go for it: And we're about to order up a bunch of new Loser Magnets for the Invite's Honorable Mentions. Pictured in the slide show, above right, are the current ones, designed as always by Bob Staake; we need two new slogans.

Send ideas to losers@washpost.com with "magnet slogan" in the subject line. Winners will get Bob's signed pencil sketch of the magnet's design. And a magnet.

Report From Week 802

in which we asked for new ideas for cable TV channels:

4. The Nudist Channel: Nothing's ever on. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

3. The Hagiography Channel: President Obama's inauguration, President Obama's campaign speeches, and occasional specials on other leaders who saved the world (and influenced President Obama) such as FDR and Lincoln. Coming next season: President Obama walking the dog. (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, a First Offender)

2. the winner of the Tabloid Tycoon old computer game: Guns 'N Moses: The all-Heston channel. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)