Week 807: Pretty Graphic Expressions

In our era of thumb-based communication, the well-constructed essay, paragraph -- sentence -- is increasingly seen as some quaint, fusty literary style better suited to a quill and parchment: We don't want to have to read through all those words to see the point.

Craig Damrauer is here to help you. His Web site http://MoreNewMath.com is a compilation of witty and often insightful thoughts, each expressed in the form of a mathematical equation, as in the ones by Craig in Bob Staake's cartoon. This week: Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. What we're not looking for is a translation of a well-known platitude into graphic form, such as "Bird in Hand = 2(Bird in Bush)." It very well might be hard to out-Craig Craig here. We're a word person ourself.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets the Guest-B-Gone Emergency Kit, a cheap little red plastic bag including fake chickenpox spots, a CD of "Inhospitable Ambience" (Track 2: Broken Alarm System) and a tablet to make your dog's mouth foam.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 16. Put "Week 807" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published April 4. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Chris Doyle; the revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte.

Report From Week 803

in which we asked for diary entries by people throughout history:

4. June 12, 1994, 11:30 p.m.: Dear Diary: Stopped by Nicole's. Her new boyfriend was there. Lost one of my gloves. Didn't fit anyway. (Arlee C. Green, Newington)

3. [Date redacted]: Dear Diary: Today I met with some people who are none of your damned business. We talked about things that are none of your damned business. We met at a location that is still none of your damned business. We had steak for lunch. -- Dick Cheney (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

2. the winner of the Bittersweets conversation hearts with cynical sentiments: July 18, 1266: Dear Diary: Today I swam in the Kublai Khan's palace pool and was surprised to hear children shouting my name! (Chris Doyle, vacationing in Cape Town, South Africa)

And the Winner of the Inker

June 20, '76: Working on draft of document for TJ. I've articulated two unalienable Rights -- Life, and the Pursuit of Happiness -- need a third. Well, it will come to me. -- Sally (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Journal Leasts: Honorable Mentions

00/00/00: Went into work early today, was up at the crack of dawn. -- God (A.E. Casey Hermanson, Sioux Falls, S.D., a First Offender)

10,000 B.C.: The interim program review went well. I asked the tribe to leverage synergies in order to take it to that next level of excellence. Tomorrow we execute my master plan for the mammoth hunt. -- Oog the Caveman (Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn)

2580 B.C.: My plan for the Great Cube is jeopardized by a shortage of building material. I must find a way to economize . . . -- Imhotep (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)