Voting for Idol No. 13: The Call of the Wild

Back when Fox executives were high-fiving each other for deciding to turn "American Idol's" traditional top 12 finalists into the top 13 finalists -- to really shake things up on the singing competition -- no one thought to send a memo to the Senior Executive Vice President for Reality Series Viewer Voting Phone Number Checking. That is too bad, because then they might have found out earlier that 1-866-Idols13 is a porn number. And, given how badly last week's 13th Idolette performed last night, they might have reconsidered the whole Let's Shake Things Up With 13 Finalists thing.

"On the back of that performance, yes, I do [regret it]," judge Simon Cowell told show host Ryan Seacrest when asked just that of Anoop Desai's decision to turn up his collar and go into a really bad impersonation of Michael Jackson singing "Beat It." In Anoop's defense, everyone had to sing a Michael Jackson tune Tuesday night.

Simon accused Anoop of not knowing who he is. Then again, Simon didn't really know who he himself was when he put Anoop through last week, so Anoop's in good company.

The evening kicked off with Lil Rounds, from whom we learned that having someone in nurse pants sing "The Way You Make Me Feel" sends a very mixed message. Scott MacIntyre's performance produced the bravest comment in the show's history, delivered by Cowell, to a blind man: "It's fine being artistic -- just not on this show." Danny Gokey rested his "I Just Lost My Wife" story for the first time since we were introduced to him in Kansas City eight long weeks ago, for which we are grateful.

Michael Sarver's bad-note-to-good-note ratio Tuesday night: 10-1. Little Jasmine Murray staggered under the weight of the Jackson tune "I'll Be There" and her eye shadow. Kris Allen scored another "Idol" first: Michael Jackson impersonation by Bruce Springsteen dresser. After Allison Iraheta's performance, Simon told her she knows who she is, but then he told her to lighten up. On the other hand, it produced the best comeback line ever delivered to Simon by an Idolette: "I'm not dark -- it's not like I'm cutting myself."

This week was a great opportunity for Jorge Nuñez to do a Latin version of a tune, but the judges have so intimidated him about not being white enough. Megan Joy Corkrey tries out for "The Girls Next Door" -- very blond, very busty, very lacy-strapped. Adam Lambert, Simon notes, is "in a totally different league" from the other Idolettes. Matt Giraud has to follow Adam and we'd forgotten his performance by the time it was over.

For all these Idolettes, the show continued to assign the traditional 1-866-IDOLS01 through 1-866-IDOLS12 phone numbers via which viewers got to vote.

The 13th and final performer Alexis Grace got a distinct phone number.

"Grab a pen and paper and make sure you jot down her number -- trust me," Seacrest said before Alexis performed "Dirty Diana." She chose "Dirty Diana" because weeks ago, the judges told her to dirty it up. Last night, stomping around the stage and screaming, dressed in a baby-doll suit, black platform shoes and cheap costume jewelry, she looked a little like her baby girl pretending to be Bette Midler performing at a New York bathhouse in the '70s.

Speaking of "Dirty Diana," if you phoned 1-866-IDOLS13 to vote for Alexis, you were instead greeted by a friendly chick saying:

"Hey there, sexy guy. Welcome to an exciting new way to go live, one-on-one, with hot horny girls waiting right now to talk to you . . ."