Week 810: What Kind of Foal Am I?

Giant Oak x Gluteus Maximus = Heck of a Trunk

Another spring, once more around the track: A list of 100 of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races begins on page four; as in past years, your job is to "breed" any two -- even though almost all are male, and a few are geldings -- and provide an appropriate name for their foal, as in the example above. As in real life, the names cannot be longer than 18 characters, including spaces. If you're writing more than a handful of entries -- and limit yourselves to 25 in any case -- be sure to double-space the list; we always get many thousands of entries for this contest, and the Empress, while arguably semi-divine, has but two eyeballs.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an extraordinary teacup (see slideshow at right) discourtesy of Carolyn Guy of Mechanicsville, Md., who is not a Loser but is a "faithful fan of the Invitational since Week 1." But there's a catch: Because we are not about to put this delicate little gewgaw in the mail, you must accept the prize in person from the Empress at the 14th annual Flushies, the Losers' own annual awards luncheon, Saturday, May 2, in College Park. See the Losers' Web site, http://www.gopherdrool.com, for details. If you place second and don't come, we'll send you a Loser T-shirt instead, and give the teacup to the highest-placing Loser who does show.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 6. Put "Week 810" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published April 25. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Roy Ashley; the revised title for next week's results was submitted independently by Jeffrey Contompasis and Mike Ostapiej.

Report From Week 806

in which we asked for "disqualifying statements" made by a would-be romantic interest: We got many entries along the line of "After my fourth wife's death was ruled an accident . . ." and "Cat Number 27 is named . . . ." Several Losers cited actual dates: Francesca Kelly's suitor offered to show her the human ear he kept in a jar. Elizabeth Molye's would-be beau bragged, "I make beautiful babies with white women." Maureen Driscoll swears her date confided, "I never thought I'd go out with someone as old as you." And Ann DeMart's driving companion noted, "That's the scar from when I tried to cut my arm off."

We interrupt these results to show you the latest Style Invitational Magnets, to be awarded to future Honorable Mentions. (See the magnets in the slideshow at right.) Lee Dobbins of Arlington and Ed Gordon of Georgetown, Tex., each win the ever-more-famous Bob Staake's original sketch for the design, along with the actual magnet in the usual business-card size.

4. "I always flush six times because I want to be sure everything has gone down and flushing seven times would just be stupid." (Andrea Kelly, Brookeville)

3. ". . . President unquote Obama . . ." (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

2.the winner of the remote-control-motif necktie: "I like tapas because I can put each little dish on a separate credit card." (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

And the Winner of the Inker

"I'm so excited -- I've never been on a second date before." (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Didn't Get Past First Base: Honorable Mentions

"This is the nicest restaurant in town that's more than 500 yards from any school, playground or bike path." (Kevin D'Eustachio, Beltsville)

"April 20? No, I'm sorry, I can't -- I always celebrate Der Fuhrer's birthday alone." (Michael Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)