Carolyn Hax

(Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)
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By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Dear Carolyn:

I am in my 30s, married five years, and have been with my wife for almost 10. We have no kids. I am thinking of divorce.

My wife and I used to get along, she was so great -- but in the past three years she has completely changed. Lately it seems that she only cares about her career and money. We are not poor by any means.

In addition, her temper has worsened and I get berated for any slip-up I make. For instance, I was two minutes late leaving for work this morning, and I got yelled at for 10 minutes in the car (she blamed me for making her late). She even yells at me when she makes mistakes.

The yelling and put-downs have happened so often in the past three years (daily) that I have become callused, and I'm not sure I even love my wife anymore. When I look at her I can't see the woman I married, and I have lost any attraction I ever had. When I'm around her, I feel my blood pressure rise; when I'm away from her, or when she is traveling for work, I feel much better, happier.

Hopeless in Minneapolis

"Hopeless" is when your spouse knows how much you're hurting, and doesn't care.

"Grim" is when your spouse knows how much you're hurting and does care, but either can't or won't change.

Hopeless is when you talk to your attorney. Grim is when you talk to a really good marriage counselor.

"Mentally and emotionally checked out" -- what I see here -- is when you talk to your wife.


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