When Dashing Job Hopes, Let Kindness Be Your Guide

Dear Miss Manners:

As the managing partner of a law firm, I receive a steady stream of (mostly) unsolicited letters from attorneys seeking a position at the firm. I say "mostly" because occasionally we advertise for an attorney with specific qualifications, e.g., expertise in water law.

Yet, even when the advertisement is very specific, I receive dozens of letters and résumés from attorneys who do not meet the specified qualifications. Clearly, these people are simply taking a shot in the dark and hoping for the best. Do good manners and etiquette require me to respond to all these letters?

Funny that you should ask about the obligations of both manners and etiquette. Miss Manners makes a distinction between them, with manners being the principles of courteous behavior and etiquette being the particular rules that apply to a particular situation.

No, etiquette does not require that you reply to unsolicited job applications. However, it does require a response to candidates you have interviewed, a courtesy often neglected.

But Miss Manners begs you to consider the state of mind of the job seeker: hope, followed by increasingly painful doubt. Finally, the silence indicates that the application, complete with this person's professional history and hopes, was regarded as trash. Could you not find a minute to say "Sorry, we're looking for an expert in water law"? Even people who don't follow instructions have feelings.

Dear Miss Manners:

I was changing my baby's diaper in a public restroom the other day. The changing table had no privacy whatsoever and anyone walking in or out of the restroom had full view of what was going on.

While most people seemed to avert their eyes, there was one woman who, while waiting for her children to wash their hands, kept looking over at my daughter while her diaper was off, and it made me very uncomfortable and upset. I don't feel that staring at anyone, no matter how old, in that position is right.

What would be an appropriate way to say, "Would you please stop staring at my half-naked daughter, it's quite rude"?