The Minister's E-Mail Trespasses

Dear Miss Manners:

Our new minister has a practice that I find disturbing and inappropriate. When he is notified that a congregant is ill or had surgery, he sends an e-mail (with details) to a list of about 30 people, including the entire staff and officers.

Since e-mail is easy to forward, anyone on that list could share the (sometimes sensitive) information with dozens of friends in just seconds. Is there any way for me to politely suggest to him that this is an invasion of privacy?

There are a great many people today who have never heard of the concept of privacy. So Miss Manners is afraid you had better explain it to your minister.

This is best done with an example: "I know you meant well, but Mrs. Wigglesworth was embarrassed to have everyone know about the state of her uterus."

Lacking such an example, you will simply have to state how you would feel and suggest, somewhat forcefully if necessary, that the minister ask each person's permission before spreading medical reports. Let us hope that he is not rash enough to argue that there is nothing wrong with exposing the state of your body.

Dear Miss Manners:

I am a professional artist. I show my work frequently and sell many pieces. However, like many independent artists, I don't make as much money as others in regular, full-time employment. I am very lucky to have a supportive spouse helping to cover expenses.

When I tell people I am a full-time artist, they often ask if I make enough money to support myself. I usually answer truthfully, saying no, or not yet, and adding that my spouse helps support me.

I am aware that how much money I earn is nobody's business and I am not obliged to answer these questions at all. I would much appreciate any suggestions for deflecting them -- politely, of course.

"Yes, it's a sure road to easy riches. You should try it."

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) at MissManners@unitedmedia.com or mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2009 Judith Martin