Week 813: Aw, Shocks

I was shocked, shocked when I was vacationing in the Virgin Islands and learned that the nice girl I invited to my hotel room was not a virgin!

As Capt. Renault noted so famously and disingenuously in "Casablanca" about gambling at Rick's Café Américain, there's the shocking and then there's the "shocking -- not." This week: Give us a humorous example of the latter, as in the example above by 10-time Loser Richard Lempert of Arlington, who suggested this contest.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives two cans of genuine Pocari Sweat, a Japanese energy drink, donated by 259-time Loser Peter Metrinko. We will also be happy to accept donations of Pocari Phlegm and Pocari Earwax.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.comor by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 27. Put "Week 813" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published May 16. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Dave Prevar; the revised title for next week's results is by Kevin Dopart.

Report from Week 809

in which we asked you to supply cutlines -- or captions, as they're known outside the newspaper world -- for the photos above(on the Web, you can see them on the slide show at right). Too many people were reminded by Photo A of hamming it up at the "American Idol" tryouts, while the most common quote prompted by the Rock and fellow cast members in Photo B was "Which mountain?" and, not surprisingly given the season, everyone thought of ancient Easter egg hunts.

The Winner of the Inker

Photo D: "Don't shoot -- the keys are in my left back socket." (Elizabeth Molyé, Arlington)

2.Photo C: Jim Cramer offers a manly handshake to Jon Stewart to distract audience attention from his newly ripped orifice. (Jean Bonner, Chantilly)

3. Photo D: Hopes were dashed at Asimo Robotics when the Robbie 2009 flunked its driver's test at Step 1: "Failure to locate vehicle." (Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)

4. Photo A: Capitol Police have apologized to pork stuck in the Fourth Street tunnel during the historic stimulus bill. (Ben Aronin, Washington)

The Cut Lines: Honorable Mentions

PHOTO A