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Week 814: There Will Be Bloodline

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Hot on the heels of the breed-the-racehorses contest whose results run today, it's of course post time for Year 4 of our grandfoals race. This week: "Breed" any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives both a 2007 Kentucky Derby souvenir mint julep glass, donated by 12-time Loser Wilson Varga, and a tin of no-doubt-stale horse-shaped chocolates; on the can is painted a horse and the legend "Are you a stallion . . . or a gelding?"

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 4. Put "Week 814" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published May 23. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Pam Freeman of McLean, a First Offender; the revised title for next week's results is by Beverley Sharp.

Report From Week 810

Our 15th (yes!) annual running of the contest in which we supply a list of 100 horses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and ask you to "breed" any two and name the offspring: As usual, the Empress received thousands of entries, many of them fabulously clever -- her "short" list of worthies numbered 280 names. If you entered this contest and your name does not appear here, it's no doubt among those remaining 224. (A little self-delusion is good for the psyche.) Note: We have so many First Offenders this week that we'll save space and mark them with asterisks.

The Winner of the Inker

Sir Phenomenal x Empire State = Knight Who Says NY (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

2. the winner of the teacup depicting a peeing statue: Pitched Perfectly x Gone Astray = Don Larceny (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

3.Pitched Perfectly x Danger to Society = Criminal in Tent (Susan Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

4. Street Car x Rocket to the Moon = Stellaaaar! (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Trailing by a Nose: Honorable Mentions

Skipadate x Pedestal = One Nightstand (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Advice x Gluteus Maximus = Buttinski (*Pat Kanz, Ocean Pines, Md.)

Affirmatif x I Want Revenge = An Aye for an Aye (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Antitrust x Chocolate Candy = Policy Wonka (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Antitrust x Sea Level = Sherman's Lagoon (Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)

Baryshnikov x Andiron = Grace Under Fire (Harvey Smith, McLean)

Baryshnikov x Mr. Fantasy = Misha Impossible (Steve Price, New York)

Beethoven x Red Wine = Ludwig Vin (Tom Witte)

Beethoven x Danger to Society = Sociopathetique (Chris Doyle)

Beethoven x Wise Kid = Moonlight Snotter (Steve Price)

Bridging x Danger to Society = Dentist the Menace (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Bridging x Precious Package = Kwai Baby (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Bunker Hill x Shafted = Boston Scrod (Gary Welsh, Potomac)

Charitable Man x Poltergeist = Dead Giveaway (Jim Newman, Luray, Va.)

Checklist x Sullenberger = Fly Me a River (*Vicki Sullivan, Washington)

Coffee Bar x Tone It Down = Kona Silence (Susan Thompson)

Desert Party x Wat = Sheikh Your Buddha (Mia Wyatt, Ellicott City)

Dream Now x Parade Clown = Bedtime for Bozo (Bryan Crain, Modesto, Calif.; *Stephen Power, Woodbridge)

Dunkirk x Boyhood Dream = Mr. Sulu (*Brett Shoelson, Arlington; Dave Zarrow, Reston)

Giant Oak x Shafted = Richard Roundtree (J. Larry Schott, Gainesville, Fla.)

Gluteus Maximus x Advice = CYA (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)

Gluteus Maximus x They're Late = In Arrears (Mike Hammer, Arlington; Mark Eckenwiler)

Gone Astray x Rendezvous = Err I Met You (Steve Shapiro, Alexandria)

Hello Broadway x I Want Revenge = Maim (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney)

Hold Me Back x Gluteus Maximus = Restraining Ordure (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

Il Postino x Gone Astray = Went Postale (*Christopher Washburn, Ottawa, Ill.)

Il Postino x El Rapido = Oxymoro (Steve Offutt, Arlington)

Logic x Affirmatif = Yes We Kant (Jonathan Paul)

Jack Spratt x Gluteus Maximus = Jack's Prat (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.; David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)

Lookn Mighty Fast x Sumo = Lookn Mighty Fat (Sam Laudenslager, Burke)

Lyin' Heart x The Big Dunkin = Nope, Not Torture (Mark Eckenwiler)

Rocket to the Moon x Gluteus Maximus = Tang N Cheek (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Old Fashioned x Total Gentleman = Chauvinist Pig (*Erik Wennstrom, Bloomington, Ind.)

Omniscient x Cribnote = And That's Why (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Poltergeist x Affirmatif = Booyah (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

Poltergeist x The Big Dunkin = Creepy Cruller (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

Presto Change O x Wise Kid = Abracadabrat (*Barbara Standridge, Alexandria)

Precious Package x Rocket to the Moon = Jewels Verne (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Red Wine x Shafted = Pinot Envy (Russell Beland, Fairfax)

Remember Mike x Presto Change O = Meet Michelle (Barrett Swink, Annandale)

Remember Mike x Red Wine = Forget Mike (Erica Rabbin, Olney)

Rendezvous x Logic = Tryst but Verify (Steve Shapiro)

Sir Phenomenal x Gluteus Maximus = Good Knight Moon (Ellen Raphaeli)

Sir Phenomenal x All the Bases = Sir Pheremonal (Sam Laudenslager)

Sneak Peek x Dunkirk = I See France (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Sullenberger x Gluteus Maximus = Seat of the Pants (Martin Bancroft)

The Big Dunkin x Hold Me Back = Donut Pass Go (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

Tiz True x Wat = Surely Temple (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

Total Gentleman x Red Wine = Cop a Feel (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)

Unionize x Party Hard = Wobbly (*Chris Maloof, Philadelphia; Chuck Smith)

Wall Street Wonder x Quarter Given = Nickel Returned (Jon Reiser; Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)

West Side Bernie x Baryshnikov = A Jeté All the Way (George Vary, Bethesda)

Wild Entry x Gone Astray = All We Like Sheep (Pam Sweeney)

Next Week: Rock Bottom Lines, or Economic Whoas

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