Obtuse Ostentation in an Era of Need

Dear Miss Manners:

I work for a very large U.S.-based corporation where I was involved in a discussion involving plans for a luncheon. An individual involved with the planning had selected one of the most expensive restaurants in the city.

I politely objected. I suggested that given the economic situation, it was inappropriate to have such a lavish event hosted by such a well-known corporation.

My thoughts are based primarily on issues of politeness rather than public relations. Would you be so kind to provide your thoughts?

The distinction you make, between politeness and public relations, is an interesting one. Miss Manners fears that you may mean that the former is being considerate of others, while the latter is merely giving that appearance.

In a perfect world, the two would be the same. In an imperfect world, politeness is not always the result of pure good-heartedness, but shares the incentive of wanting to make a good appearance.

The important difference here is that etiquette also believes in adhering to standards for their own sake, without regard to whether that impresses others. Notably, it believes in modesty and restrained good taste, concepts that public relations might easily dismiss as being counterproductive to getting people's attention and demonstrating one's power and wealth.

But this happens to be a time when the public has reason to embrace those concepts. A bad economic situation makes ostentation look callous, rather than enviably successful.

Notice that Miss Manners is making the case in terms of public relations, not etiquette, as you asked and had a right to expect. She just figured that saying that ostentation is always in bad taste would not impress your colleagues. That it would anger those employees and make the general public suspicious is an argument they might understand.

Dear Miss Manners:

How can we convince a family that lives on an adjacent street to park there, in front of its home? Our quiet little street has a limited amount of parking around our cul-de-sac. Many of us need to park in front of our houses because of disabilities. The people who hog our street with their cars have to climb several steps to enter their house from the front street level, so they prefer to park on our street and walk a few steps through the alley to their back entrance. That means we have to sometimes park in front of their house, especially late at night, and then walk on their street to another street and then turn onto our street.