Keeping a Sense of Humor in Check

This may sound like a silly grievance, but please hear me out before you laugh me off the stage: a good deal of the friction between myself and my supervisor arises from the fact that my supervisor doesn't have a sense of humor. I myself have an enormous sense of humor, and love to utilize it whenever I can. But whenever my supervisor is present, she either looks at me in pure terror or pure confusion whenever I make some sort of funny comment, and it drives me crazy. But on an even greater level, my supervisor once yelled at me for saying something in jest to another co-worker. The co-worker chuckled and didn't give it another thought, but my supervisor thought it was inappropriate. (For the record, the co-worker in question knows me well enough to know my style of humor, and always receives my humor as it was intended.) So I guess my question is, how do I deal with a supervisor who has no sense of humor? Because it's a real morale killer for me.

I sympathize with your desire to bring enjoyment and levity to the workplace. We all tend to take our jobs too seriously, especially during economic times like these, when it seems like we have little choice. It is a mistake, however, to allow your morale to be dependent on whether your jokes get a laugh from your supervisor. You cannot very well make a complaint to human resources about the fact that your supervisor does not think you're funny. If she is not a receptive audience, then you should either restrain yourself from making jokes when she is around, or accept the fact that your humor will not always be a hit.

You should also reflect upon whether your banter is entirely appropriate. If your supervisor does not laugh at a joke, it does not necessarily mean that she doesn't "get it." If she seems terrified or confused, as you say, it may be that she feels offended and is struggling with how to respond without either encouraging you or hurting your feelings.

For purposes of harassment law and your organization's anti-harassment policy, it does not matter how you intend your humor to be perceived. It is enough that it offends someone in your workplace, potentially compromising that person's ability to thrive professionally. You are fortunate to enjoy workplace relationships with people who know you well enough to understand your jokes in the spirit that you intended. Yet, it is highly unlikely that everyone who works with you will give you the benefit of the doubt. Even a coworker's laughter is not always a positive indicator that you are perceived to be funny. After all, she or he could be laughing nervously or in an effort to make light of an awkward situation.

Without knowing what you said to make your coworker chuckle and your supervisor cringe, I cannot tell you whether it is the type of remark that would normally rise to the level of a policy violation. However, I can assure you that, if your supervisor thought the joke was inappropriate, other people in your workplace probably thought it was inappropriate, too. It is always possible that your supervisor is freakishly humorless. But it is more likely that she has legitimate concerns about the things you say.

I realize that I am assuming a lot about you and your circumstances. Maybe you are making completely innocent and positively hilarious quips about bunnies and rainbows. Maybe your supervisor just needs to loosen up a bit. But I have been around enough workplaces to know that the reality is rarely so simple.

Your supervisor enjoys the protection of your organization's policies just like any other employee. So if she is not responding receptively to your humor, you should ask her why. Open a dialogue about how she perceives you and the jokes you make. If you approach her with an open attitude and a genuine willingness to examine your own actions, the walls between you will start to come down.

Lily Garcia has offered employment law and human resources advice to companies of all sizes for more than 10 years. To submit a question, e-mail HRadvice@washingtonpost.com. We reserve the right to edit submitted questions for length and clarity and cannot guarantee that all questions will be answered.