Is a High School Freshman Overloaded With Homework or Is He Just a Procrastinator?

Q.This year our son -- a shy, 15-year-old high school freshman -- is going through a horrible stretch at his private school, even though he's been at this school for several years and is well liked by both teachers and classmates; is on a varsity team; was in the spring play and gets A's and B's in his advanced classes as well as in science and math, his two toughest subjects.

Some of his unhappiness is caused by a couple of quirky instructors, but mostly he is overwhelmed by his workload and says he can't get it done. Last night was the breaking point for me. He was still trying to finish a paper at 3 a.m. and today he is, as usual, quite tired. My son never gets enough sleep.

The problem began last year, when he became a procrastinator, although we told him that high school would be harder than middle school and that this approach would never work. We've also hired tutors to help him manage his assignments better. He won't even make a schedule for himself! Instead, he does some of his homework during a break at school -- rather than doing it the night before -- and he won't do his weekend homework until Sunday, and then only if he has a break before he begins and another one soon after.

This baffles my wife and me, who were self-motivated A students and never needed any prodding from our parents.

Should we hire tutors in each of his subjects and then line them up, one after another, for the last four weeks at school? At least he wouldn't have time to watch television or surf the Web.

A.Your son is your son but he is also himself, and at 15 he would rather learn from his own mistakes than have you tell him what to do.

If you must have a tutor, look for one who will teach study skills to your son, rather than math or science, and who will show him the shortcuts that will help him the most and tell him why he should tackle the tough subjects first.

While this tutor might teach him everything he needs to know, your own advice might be just as good, as long as you give it gently, obliquely and with as much respect as you'd give to a colleague at work. Nothing dismays boys and girls more than criticism from their parents.

Other help could be more proactive. You and your son could see the headmaster, for instance, to find out how much homework a student is expected to do for each class each night and how long it should take, so you'll know if your boy is really a procrastinator or if he is simply over-placed in school.

Once you get this information from the headmaster, you can help your son make a schedule by breaking down his homework, subject by subject, and putting it into pockets of time. Let your boy decide when he wants to start doing his homework, but let the schedule tell him when he has to stop. This is much more effective than telling your son, "Do your homework!" because blanket orders can overwhelm a child of any age.

Not only should you help your son stick to his schedule but you should also keep temptation at bay.

Text-messaging on the cellphone, surfing the Internet and watching TV may make life more interesting sometimes, but they can be mindless distractions, too, especially if your son keeps his phone, his computer and a TV in his room.

It's smarter to keep them in the kitchen; to ban all TV on school nights; to turn off his phone when it's time to study and to arrange for him to do his homework in a quiet, central place in the house, such as the dining room.

If you sit next to him while you balance your checkbook -- and if you don't annoy him with mini-sermons -- he'll probably get his work done in a reasonable length of time. And if he can't, he'll have to go to school with his work half-done and live with the consequences. Unless he has some undiagnosed learning disability, or he's not ready to handle the curriculum yet, he should soon decide that procrastination is a bad idea.

Questions? Send them to advice@margueritekelly.com or to Box 15310, Washington, D.C. 20003.