Week 816: Googillions

Susan Boyle, the latest Pussycat Doll: 4,910,000 hits

I want to pay Mayor Barry's taxes: 1,510,000 hits

Marriage is between a Republican and a Republican: 15,900,000 hits

We've done a contest for Googlewhacks -- phrases that generate one Google hit. We've done Googlenopes -- phrases that generate no Google hits. Now, per the suggestion of Inexorably Climbing Toward the Hall of Fame Loser Kevin Dopart, we're heading cautiously in the other direction. This week: Come up with an original phrase that generates at least 1 million listings on a Google search, as in the examples above. We don't want you to send in someone else's witty remark that's spread to a million Web sites. We're looking instead for something originally funny, ironic or at least remarkable in that it generates so many hits.

To accomplish this feat, it's best not to use quotation marks around the phrase you're searching for -- it's fine (better!) if your phrase doesn't show up on the Google hits. The Empress just has to be able to feed your words into Google and see that two-comma number atop the page of search results.

Note: While it's not easy to come up with great entries for this contest, it is distressingly easy to come up with meh entries for this contest. So: Do not submit more than 25 entries.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a fine volume that, if you hold your finger over one letter in the title, looks as if it's called "The Big As Book of Jokes." It's, well, a big book of jokes that actually are pretty mild; some of them wouldn't be out of place in Boys' Life. Donated jointly by Big Losers Beverley Sharp and Mae Scanlan.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or -- it's back! -- a Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 18. Put "Week 816" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published June 6. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Beverley Sharp; the revised title for next week's results is by Chris Doyle.

Report From Week 812

in which we asked for "fictoids" relating to medicine and the human body: We were shocked, shocked (see next week's results) that many of the entries were scatological in nature! One clever entry, from Barry Koch of Catlett, Va., didn't qualify for this contest because it was just too true: Smoking three or more packs of cigarettes a day IS a proven way to prevent aging.

The Winner of the Inker

Contrary to claims by some scientists, hair is not dead. It just has a high threshold of pain. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

2. the winner of the book of paper dolls of the George H.W. Bush family:

It takes twice as many muscles to make an armpit fart as it does an actual one. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)