Down to Three and It's All About -- the Judges?

Pandemonium broke out among the "American Idol" judges last night, causing Adam Lambert's second performance of the evening to be pushed entirely into the next hour.

It all started when the "Idol" judges did their worst-ever job of picking tunes for the three Idolettes to sing during the second-to-last performance night.

Judge Paula Abdul, for instance, stuck Danny Gokey with the repetitive, generic, four-note Terence Trent D'Arby tune "Dance Little Sister," which had him singing at the top of his range over a too-loud band. Judge Kara DioGuardi praised Paula for keeping Danny in his "money zone" with the tune choice, but she nicked Danny for his dancing: "A little too gyrating for me," said Kara, revealing herself to be the secret leader of the American Idol Decency Police.

But Paula fought back, saying that she's the choreographer of the bunch and insisting that Danny did a "fantastic job." Judge Randy Jackson dug deep into his book of "Snappy TV Lines" and came up with "Let the games begin!" -- while Simon dissed the dancing as "desperate" and noted that Danny can't scat, correctly pegging him as having sounded like a kid going "toot-toot-toot" during the "toy saxophone solo." By the end of the segment, Simon was struggling to muzzle Paula -- literally -- which host Ryan Seacrest declared "either second base or sexual harassment." We call it a free-speech violation.

While Ryan begged the cameraman not to shoot the judges' melee and reported that Paula had just punched Simon in his left breast, Paula was heard shouting, "Help! Help!" as Danny looked as if he wanted to smack them into next week, which we would have applauded.

Randy was forced to share picking Kris Allen's tune with Kara, because the producers forgot to do the math: Four judges picking tunes for three Idolettes.

They picked "Apologize" by OneRepublic because it's "dark" and has a "beautiful melodic line." Kara dissed Kris because he did not change the song enough. Randy did not love it, either. Simon savaged Randy and Kara, calling Kara's comments a "cop-out." "You can't choose a song for him, then blame him for doing the song," Simon said.

You're going to tell me about interpreting songs?" Kara huffed. "Have you ever interpreted a song in your life?"

"You didn't hold up to your responsibilities," Simon snapped back.

"He's just trying to make us crazy," Kara concluded. She then moved behind Simon and clapped her hand over his mouth, leaving him looking genuinely uncomfortable -- like a man being kidnapped by mediocrity -- and Kris stared as if he would like to join Danny in smacking the judges into next week.

Simon picked U2's "One" for Adam Lambert. Simon prattled on happily about how he had to clear the tune with the band and that he had spoken directly with the actual Bono, who said it would be his pleasure to have Adam sing it. "I had lunch with Bono," Paula interjected. The performance put Adam back in his comfort zone: blue light.

"You're a strategist. . . . You did your own version," Kara began in re Adam's performance, then she turned and, in a cooing voice said, "See what I mean, Simon?" Then she started speaking in some strangely bad British accent -- a sort of beered-up Mary Poppins imitation, and said: "I guess our boy's little point maybe wasn't proven!" Adam looked as if he'd like to join Danny and Kris in smacking the judges into next week.

Things got only slightly better in Round 2, when the Idolettes got to pick their own tunes. Danny picked the perfect tune for him: Billy Preston's "You Are So Beautiful." Simon called it a "vocal master class."

Kris went with Kanye West's "Heartless" while strummin' the guitar -- think hootenanny hip-hop. Randy called it better than the original -- duh -- and Kara called him "brave," but Paula started making dumb jokes about how brave he was for singing a song about Simon, and the catfight started all over again.

"After the lame song choice [by Karandy] . . . I had written you out of this competition -- that has all changed after that performance," Simon sneered.

Thanks to the judges' antics, it was past 9 p.m. by the time Adam began to explain his song choice to Ryan.

Adam picked Aerosmith's "Crying." Pakarandy loved it and declared him a shoo-in for the Final Two, but Simon warned: "I want everyone not to assume you are going to be [in the final week], but to vote for you because you deserve it based on talent." Simon's clearly worried the other two guys are just flat-out more popular.