Two Gladiators, But Only 'Guyliner' Looms as the Fave

With one night to go, "American Idol" judges declared Adam Lambert victor of the final evening of actual singing competition.

"Me and Adam, we said we weren't competing -- we just came out to give a good show tonight," the other remaining Idolette, Kris Allen, told host Ryan Seacrest at the end of the hour.

But the producers would have none of that. All night long, they'd had Seacrest pumpin' up the season's last performance show like some titanic struggle between two gladiators.

"Tonight is the battle of . . . the Guy Next Door versus the Guyliner," Seacrest gushed -- and a whole lot more where that came from.

Each Idolette sang three tunes. First, each guy had to reprise a tune he'd already performed on the show. Adam picked "Mad World." Judge Simon Cowell suggested it was very "Phantom of the Opera," though Adam has proved impervious to Simon's musical-theater dings before.

Kris parallelogram-mouthed and neck-vein-popped his way through "Ain't No Sunshine." He was definitely competing from the neck up -- it's neck swagger! Judge Kara DioGuardi noted that if we can't feel a Kris Allen performance, there is something wrong with us. Oh, great, now it's our fault if Kris doesn't do well.

Round 2 had the Idolettes singing tunes picked for them by "Idol" creator Simon Fuller. Adam got Sam Cooke's "A Change Is Gonna Come." It's a great demonstration of Adam's controlled range; one of his best performances all season, and he looked the part, dressed in a Sam Cooke silver suit and teal tie. Once again, we get to look into Adam's wisdom teeth and we know he flosses. Kara called it Adam's best performance of the competition. Judge Paula Abdul was so moved that she was on her feet doing an old Laker Girl routine.

Kris then performed the whitest version of "What's Going On" ever. But, he sounded good. And, he looked helpful. The thing about Kris is, he looks like a helpful person -- as if Josh Groban worked at a hardware store. Judge Randy Jackson, who was dressed as a Savile Row tailore for the occasion, found Kris's performance "a little light." Simon found it "like three friends in their bedroom strumming along to Marvin Gaye."

And, finally, both Idolettes were compelled to slog their way through "No Boundaries," written by "Idol's" own Kara and apparently two helpers. It is this year's "American Idol" Treacle Tune, which will become the first single released by the winner, who will be announced at the end of a two-hour-plus orgy of excess tonight. Too bad, because it is, hands down, the Very Worst "American Idol" Treacle Tune. Ever. Besides being bad, it's utterly generic and Adam gave it his generic sell-it treatment. Poor guy, it's like using a racehorse to pull a pony cart.

"Dude, you can sing the phone book!" Randy raved. Did he just ding Kara? This is certainly a late-breaking development in Randy's "Idol" evolution.

"The whole idea about doing a show like this is that you hope you can find a worldwide star -- I genuinely believe with all my heart that we have found that with you. Congratulations," Simon told Adam after that performance. Won't Simon feel silly if Adam isn't crowned America's Idol tonight?

Kris did a slightly better version of the tune, and after his performance, Kara said, "I don't want you to be judged on that song." Say what?

Simon had been saving the traditional "our little boy has grown up" talk he gives one Idolette each season for just this moment. Simon even mentioned, "Your mom and dad's face tell me everything." But, of course, Kris has been grown up for a while -- long enough to even get married.