If I Had a Yammer

The complete idiot's guide to the filibuster

(Eric Shansby)

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By Gene Weingarten

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Today, Professor Politics is going to take questions on an important but confusing issue in the news.

Q. Why has it been such a big deal for the Democrats that they get 60 seats in the U.S. Senate? Haven't they had a majority?

A. No. They've had a pretend majority.

Q. Is that like having a pretend girlfriend?

A. It's more humiliating. It involves something called the "filibuster," which comes from a French word that sounds like "full bustier."

Q. What?

A. I swear.

Q. What is a filibuster?

A. It is a contrivance of parliamentary procedure by which members of the minority party can ...

Q. In English, please.

A. Okay, say the Yankees and the Orioles are tied in the bottom of the ninth inning, but the Yanks have the bases loaded with nobody out, and the count on the batter is three balls, no strikes. The O's are facing imminent defeat, but their pitcher is a wily veteran. He just stands on the mound, fidgeting and spitting and scratching himself for 22 hours and 34 minutes, refusing to throw the ball, until the umpires call the game a draw.

Q. Doesn't the pitcher have to go to the bathroom?

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