An Anxious Parent's Path To Becoming An Advocate

Woman Helps Lead Class On Mental Disorders

Diana Malcolm can tick off the seemingly infinite number of brain disorders that have afflicted her 13-year-old son, Joshua, as if they were courses in graduate school: attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, Asperger syndrome, post-traumatic stress disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome and adopted intermittent explosive disorder.

For the 43-year-old parent, the laundry list of mental health problems is an inherently limited description of her child, but it is also evidence of how fluent Malcolm has become as a community leader and teacher in the discipline of brain disorders. On Wednesday night, Malcolm completed her fourth "Visions for Tomorrow" course sponsored by the National Alliance on Mental Illness and held for Prince William County parents.

Malcolm, who works at an engraving and trophy store, said that after so many years and classes, she became so comfortable talking openly about her own experiences treating Joshua that she became like a co-teacher for the often-tense sessions, held this year at Penn Elementary School in Woodbridge. Her new role as a teacher, she said, represented a leap from her first year taking the class as a student, when she cried every time.

"This time, I became close to the other parents, and they would call me throughout the week," Malcolm said. "It was exciting because I felt like it was another step in my advocacy and that I was at a good point with my son's disability. I've accepted what's going on, and I've moved from grieving to advocating for him. In the first session [of the first year], I felt very alone."

Her son has ricocheted from one residential facility in Virginia to another, bounced around by one set of medical opinions to an entirely different set of recommendations from Prince William school officials. It was hard, she said, to settle on one location for too long because Josh's behavior was so erratic. He was especially prone to violent outbursts. "We had police at the house multiple times," she recalled.

She sent him to facilities in Culpeper, Loudoun and eventually Clarke counties. Meanwhile, she attended the annual "Visions for Tomorrow" courses, beginning in 2005. The following year, she brought along her husband, a move that was important because the two sometimes did not agree on parenting methods.

"A lot of times, we weren't on the same page," she said. "We felt that things should be handled differently, like if the consequences were or weren't strong enough or if they were too strong, how to handle yourself. We learned that the more you escalate [your tone], the more things escalate."

In her third year, in 2007, Malcolm said she learned especially how to be a better advocate and navigate the medical and school systems. "If I wanted something for my son, I will fight. If someone tells you no, then you fight and find someone who will eventually get you what you want," she explained.

She didn't enroll in 2008 but returned for her fourth round of classes this April. "I just offered myself to talk. We shared a lot of hugs," she said, describing the class. "They were pretty quiet." There was one man in the class, she said, but he dropped out.

Coincidentally, as Malcolm graduated from her fourth year of the "Visions" course, she said her son might possibly "graduate" back into the public school system. She said he was transferred out of a residential facility in Clarke County and into a facility near the family's Woodbridge home.