CAROLYN HAX

(Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)

Discussion Policy

Comments that include profanity or personal attacks or other inappropriate comments or material will be removed from the site. Additionally, entries that are unsigned or contain "signatures" by someone other than the actual author will be removed. Finally, we will take steps to block users who violate any of our posting standards, terms of use or privacy policies or any other policies governing this site. Please review the full rules governing commentaries and discussions. You are fully responsible for the content that you post.

By Carolyn Hax

Monday, June 15, 2009

Adapted from a recent online discussion:

Dear Carolyn:

I have been married for six months and it's just not as fun and interesting as I thought it would be. I love my hubby and know he loves me, but a part of me is so not excited about spending the rest of my years like this.

We are trying to save for a house and figure out housework -- pretty much I do it all until I ask him to help out. I guess I am resentful of him slightly, but I'm also resentful of myself. Any suggestions on how I can find joy in doing the simpler things?

Somewhere, USA

Agh, you do not ask him to "help out." It's his responsibility as much as yours.

1. Take a close look at what he does, to make sure you're not discounting it.

2. If the imbalance is clear, then tell him it's not okay with you.

3. Ask him to suggest ways to make yours an egalitarian household. There's a better chance he'll change if it's his idea.

4. If he balks, ask him if it's the mess he's comfortable with, or the idea of your doing all the work. If he's just fine with chaos, then you're going to need to work on finding a level of mess/neatness you both can live with. One easy fix is to stop doing his laundry, since it forces his hand and frees you for other priorities.

CONTINUED 1 >