Wearing White Only in Summer, Weather or Not

Dear Miss Manners:

I'm pleased to note how consideration for others seems to be the guiding principle of manners as you promote them, but one rule of etiquette has puzzled me for a lifetime: the prohibition of wearing white or linen between Labor Day and Easter.

This rule assumes September is always nippy and Easter is always mild, when the reverse can often be true in the United States. The rule seems even more arbitrary when one lives in the subtropics, where February days routinely top 80 degrees. Would you please shed some light on how we might understand this rule?

Consideration for others is something you have kindly shown Miss Manners. When this rule is questioned, it is usually with a barrage of sarcasm and disdain rarely leveled on far more restrictive rules.

Miss Manners is aware of the glamour of rebellion, but could there possibly be a more tepid cause?

The source is a misunderstanding that you share with the ferocious rebels. It is true that consideration for others is a guiding principle of manners, but that is not its only function. It is also a repository of folk customs that are indeed arbitrary, but that folks like to practice anyway. Or, as Miss Manners has learned, hate to.

This one has to do with seasons, not with weather. Easter is a time for bringing out pastel colors and, for those few who care to, straw hats. Memorial Day marks the beginning of summer, when white seems refreshing. However, there are no wardrobe police to enforce this, which makes Miss Manners wonder what all the excitement is about.

Dear Miss Manners:

As the communications director for a government agency, I respond to written constituent inquiries. In an effort to personalize my responses, I often excerpt from the original missive. For example, "You're agency stnks!"

Should I correct spelling and grammatical errors from the original correspondence or leave them as is? I hate to fudge a quote, but if I don't correct errors, I am concerned the constituent will think the mistakes are mine, putting my agency in a bad light.

Also, it seems rude to point out someone's errors when they have taken the time to share their concerns. My agency does not yet have a policy regarding this point of professional etiquette.

But if you correct the quotation, won't the letter writer think, "Stupid bureaucrats -- can't even quote accurately"?

Besides, surely it is a comfort to note that your critics are not, shall we say, discerning.

Miss Manners would consider it polite enough if you preceded the letter writer's words with "as you so colorfully put it . . ."

Dear Miss Manners:

When ordering at a restaurant, is it permissible to say, "I want . . ." or "Give me . . ."?

I greatly prefer "I would like" or "Please may I have the . . ." My son believes I am "hyper" about manners.

How fortunate, then, for him that he has you to bring him up. Miss Manners trusts that you also know better than to cede authority to someone whose object is to remove courtesy and recommend making bald demands.

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) at MissManners@unitedmedia.com or mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2009 Judith Martin