Week 822: For Real Folks

Suburban Male Cuisine: Backyard cooking with flamethrowers, arc welders and explosives.

This week the Mall plays host to the annual Smithsonian Folklife Festival, formerly the Festival of American Folklife. There's sure to be a delightful variety of performances, demonstrations and food that celebrate our country's (and selected others') quainter traditions. But it can include only so much. This week: Suggest some attractions for a Festival of Real American Folklife, as in the example above by Loser Peter Metrinko, who suggested this contest.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets Mustard Marvin, a nifty bottle topper. Squeeze on the bottle and out oozes the viscous yellow stuff from the monster's mouth. Donated by Dave Prevar.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 29, at midnight wherever you are. Put "Week 822" in the subject line of your e-mail or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published July 18. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Tom Witte; the revised title for next week's contest is by Mike Ostapiej.

Report From Week 818

in which we asked for slogans not only for real holidays but also for those commemorative days, weeks and months ginned up by various interest groups:

The Winner of the Inker

Mother Goose Day (May 1): When keeping in touch is more than just a phone call. (Don Kirkpatrick, Waynesboro, Pa.)

2. the winner of the pack of screedy right-wing John Kerry $3 bills: Positive Attitude Month (October): Right, like it's going to do any good. (Jim Lubell, Mechanicsville, Md.)

3. International Day for the Eradication of Poverty (Oct. 17): Tomorrow, we'll take care of racism. (Charles Koelbel, Houston)

4. National Accordion Awareness Month (June): Brought to you by the Society Opposed to Being Told to Shut the Hell Up. (Dan Steinberg, Silver Spring)

A Calendar Packed With Play Dates: Honorable Mentions

National Fruitcake Toss Day (Jan. 3): You are not required to eat it first. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)

Women's Self-Empowerment Week (Jan. 5-11): I'm going to let my wife participate. You should, too. (Russell Beland, Fairfax; Charles Koelbel)

Cut Your Energy Costs Day (Jan. 10): Turn your Pepco bill into a snowflake. (Ben Aronin, Washington)