CAROLYN HAX

While I'm away, readers give the advice.

On devastation, and its aftermath:

My parents divorced when I was a teenager. For years and years, my mom was bitter about it. My dad married the other woman. She was nice enough, but I never felt close.

Along the way I took up with a guy and lived with him for a few years. My mother never trusted him and figured he'd break my heart. Guess what? She was right. He cheated on me, and after eight years I moved out. I was devastated.

But I learned the lesson my mom never knew she taught me: Get over it. You only live once and who wants to spend the rest of your life bitter? The other party doesn't suffer, but you do.

My dad died a year ago. Funny thing was, my dad stayed with his second wife for 35 years. My allegiance is always with my mom, but I still phone my "stepmom" every week.

Breakups are horrible, and I don't wish them on anyone. But even I learned from disaster how to reprioritize what you value in life.

S.G.

On women who preen, and on those who judge them:

Ah, a woman's "tyranny of choice." Women have dozens more choices to make than men before we head out the door. Men? Which pants, which shirt, which tie (if he needs one), brown shoes or black? Then he's good to go!

It's not just makeup for women, but hair that needs styling and so many more choices -- slacks or skirt or dress? Capris or jeans? Which earrings, necklace, bracelet, belt? Too dressy or casual for the occasion? Etc.