CAROLYN HAX

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

[About yesterday's active toddler]: Please throw in a perspective from someone without children. I have many friends who pick and choose when they decide to rein in their children so they can actually hold a conversation. It can be done and, if the parent wants to be a good friend, it should be done, otherwise it's rude.

Yes, we are all happy you have kids, but there's nothing wrong with expecting a little adult time. I would worry about the mother who couldn't keep her kid in one room so the sisters could talk. My sis has no problem controlling her toddler's behavior.

I think the sister with the kid owes her sis an apology for not being present during the visit. Having kids does not give everyone a pass in etiquette.

Anonymous

I spent a lot of time with small children before I had them myself, and it can be nightmarish. Attempts at adult conversation range from frustrating to maddening.

But, please -- the parents are often more frustrated than the non-.

And while we are all happy your sister "has no problem controlling her toddler's behavior," that's one mom's outcome with one kid. Your sister's child may be on the docile end of the spectrum. At the other end are kids who will not stop moving, touching, pushing boundaries.

Their parents are most desperate of all, both for adult conversation and for loved ones who see their predicament and cut them a break.