CAROLYN HAX

Finally, ahem, the toddler-mom DID apologize, twice. But the sister ripped into her anyway! I'm sorry, this is a complete failure on the sister's part to show empathy.

Re: Toddlers:

My first child never sat still. We would go to play groups and bypass a whole roomful of new toys and snacks to open the cabinets, trash can, fridge, oven, toilets, push every button, flip every switch, eat the dog food. I wasn't choosing not to rein him in. I never had more than a two-sentence conversation. I usually left and ended up crying. I hated to go to parties, cookouts, etc. because I spent the entire time following him around. I was going to scream if I heard "just redirect him" one more time.

There are just going to be some extra-energetic and curious kids. My second was completely different.

Anonymous 2

Thanks. Hope that sister reads this.

Hi, Carolyn:

It's me, the original poster. I think my sister felt I was talking to/through my toddler the whole time. But it's really hard to focus on simultaneous adult conversation, and preventing toddler from injury to herself or house.

Jealous Sister

Your sister's frustration seemed to be of the I've-seen-plenty-of-parents-handle-everything-just-fine-so-why-didn't-you? variety.

And really, that attitude isn't unique to the narrowly defined group of people who don't realize some kids are tougher than others.

It's a problem in all areas of human interaction, where the limits of our experience are mistaken for the limits of what is true. As in: He finds time for friends during med school, so why can't you?! Or: I lost my baby weight, why can't you? It's an insidious strain of judgmental behavior that, as some of you may have noticed, really leaves me cold.