Carolyn Hax

Depressed

Objectively, it's wrong to ignore and ditch the person who made plans to spend time with you. The only exception would be among great friends who see each other all the time and who have an understanding that an evening's plans are subject to improvisation.

That said, there's no reason you have to be objective here. This friend you pine for ignored you and ditched you. You have your answer to the real question on your mind: No, the feelings aren't mutual.

If it helps, her utter disregard for your feelings bespeaks an immaturity and/or cruelty that would have doomed you eventually. Her slap in the face was a gift.

Dear Carolyn:

How do you know if someone loves you or just loves what you do for them?

D.C.

You know it when the things s/he does for you, and says to you, reflect careful attention to who you are. You can't fake that, not even by candlelight.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or tellme@washpost.com.