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Post Readers Propose First Paragraphs for Dick Cheney's Memoir

Call me Dick. Some years ago -- never mind how long precisely -- having gained wealth beyond belief from Halliburton, and nothing in particular to interest me any longer, except domination of the Government by the Vice Presidency -- I thought I would join my soon-to-be Captain, George W. Bush, in his world incursion against all things "un-American" and "un-capitalistic." I knew that I had made the right decision and gained the eternal gratitude of the nation by the way people spoke my first name with such vigor and enthusiasm since 2001.

-- James A. Beckman, Tampa

No one can know what it felt like to be in charge that day -- when in the sunlight of that not yet crisp September morning we changed as a country and in a very real way we entered adulthood. There was an exhilaration I felt born from a smoldering Pentagon and from the ruins of the World Trade Center, an excitement created from adversity heightened exponentially. Everything I have done in my public life over the last forty years has led me, I believe, inexorably to that terrific September morning. To be in charge was to drink from the cup of quiet rage on that monumental day. And everything in my life has led me to be in charge.

-- Tony Cormier, New York

Check Off To-Do List Highlighted Accomplishments: Get W. elected Prez with help of James Baker via Florida & SCOTUS (Scalia & Token). Keep Dubya in line as VP. (promise to Bush-41). Hanging chads; my brilliant idea! Gravitas. Teach Dubya new catch words: Nukeular, rocket surgeon, Great Deciderer, strateegery, mission accomplished, brainificate. Pick goofy Secret Service nickname: Angler, Shootist, Deadeye, Darth. REALITY TV explosion. Ignore and manipulate Intel on Osama bin Laden & Trade Center bombings. Blame it on CIA for prelude to War to spike oil prices. Scooter & CIA do dirty work, then blame it ALL on Rummie. Blame recession on the Clintons & Al Gore. Undisclosed secret location: Fakeout -- Rec room in my basement.

-- Mark H. Young, Alexandria

Words can hurt every bit as much as physical abuse. I should know. Throughout my vice presidency I was painted by opponents as a warmonger who controlled the President's every move. They said that I usurped power from Congress, lied to the public about the threat from Iraq, gleefully greenlighted torture of suspected terrorists, and trampled on the Constitution. Yes, I bear the scars of many malicious words. The purpose of this memoir is to set the record straight: In fact, I have the heart of a liberal. It's in a jar on my desk.


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