Week 828: Inhuman Puns

Saturday, August 1, 2009

The Wonkees: A TV rock band portrayed by four policy analysts.

(Alan Rosenthal, Columbia)

J.C. Couture: A stylish line of white robes and woven sandals. (Beth Morgan, Palo Alto, Calif.)

In Week 796, we gave you permission to commit shamelessly what some blighted souls consider the lowest form of the lowest form of wit: puns on people's names. Some Losers, typically ignoring the contest directions, instead sent in puns on names of non-people: rock groups, corporations, cake mixes. The Empress gave them no ink but told them not to throw the entries away (assuming that they didn't have little verbal stink lines emanating up from them). This week: Make a pun on the name of a familiar group, organization or company, as in the examples above, and describe it or provide a quote from it. (Once again, save the cake mix entries; we'll milk this contest for all it's worth.) Check your idea online to see if it's already someone else's well-publicized pun (though your imaginative description might help it pass the originality test anyway).

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second prize receives a souvenir that the Empress picked up this summer in Sweden: four fancy-schmancy handmade-paper notecards depicting various examples of Bronze Age art carved into rocks -- in these cases some very happy-looking male fertility figures. (Okay, some of the maleness might be silhouettes of 3,000-year-old swords, but others are definitely anatomical, if wishful.)

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 10. Put "Week 828" in the subject line of your e-mail or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Aug. 29. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate relatives are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's honorable-mentions name is by Mae Scanlan; next week's revised title is by Jeff Contompasis.

Report From Week 824

in which we asked you to supply tourist slogans for cities and towns, much as we'd done before with the U.S. states. We mostly focused on the actual qualities (or lack thereof) of the various towns, rather than just running a list of puns on the weird names of sundry obscure hamlets. (For those who feel deprived of this, here are two from Rick Haynes of Potomac: Bra, Italy: Thanks for Your Support; Pee Pee, Ohio: We're Number One.)

The Winner of the Inker

Liberal, Kansas:

Right up there

with Nice, France (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

2.the winner of the book "Punk Shui: Home Design for Anarchists": Fort Knox: The Gold Tooth of Kentucky (Wayne Rodgers, Satellite Beach, Fla.)

3.Manhattan, Kansas: The City That Sleeps (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

4. Wasilla, Alaska:

Home of the Moose Burger!
Governor Sarah Palin!
the next VP of the U.S. of A.!
Governor Sarah Palin!
the Moose Burger! (Chad Pridgen, Marshall, Va.)

Towntrodden: Honorable Mentions

Visit Hoboken, Because It Would Be a Shame if You Didn't and Something Happened to Your Family (J.J. Gertler, Alexandria)

Las Vegas: For Sale by Lender (Ed Gordon, Georgetown, Tex.)

Galveston, Texas: Hurricane-Free Since Last Summer (Charles Koelbel, Houston)

Put Your Liquids, Gels and Aerosols in a Quart-Size, Zip-Top, Clear Plastic Bag and Visit Kitty Hawk (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

New Orleans: Now a Somewhat Smaller Easy (Russell Beland, Fairfax)

Las Vegas: Where Everybody Knows Your Alias (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

Washington, D.C.: Come Watch Your Favorite Team Win on the Road (Russell Beland)

Wasilla, Alaska: Gateway to the Evil Empire (Jim Exnicios, Manassas, a First Offender)

Cleveland: We Were Bankrupt When Bankrupt Wasn't Cool (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

Crawford, Texas: Decommission Accomplished! (Chad Pridgen)

Chicago: Buy Your Seat Now! (J. McCray, Hyattsville)

Mustang, Nevada: The City of Brothelly Love (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church; Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.; Erik Wennstrom, Bloomington, Ind.)

Juneau: Come On Up -- She's Gone (Steve Price, New York)

Woodbridge: The Perfect Place for YOU, if Dale City Seems Just a Little Too Urbane (Chad Pridgen)

Las Vegas, New Mexico: Whatever Happens Here . . . Would Be a First (Brendan Beary)

Stay a Spell in Llanfairpwllgwyng- yllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Wales (Chris Doyle; Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

New York: Home of the Giant Offensive Lines (D. Letterman, Manhattan) (J. McCray)

Ocean City: The Atlantis of Tomorrow (J.J. Gertler)

Visit Glorious, Modern Pyongyang! (Bring Your Own Food.) (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

Redmond, Washington, Is for [FATAL ERROR] (J. McCray)

Pyongyang: If you happen here, you stay here. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Toledo, Ohio: Holy Us! (Brendan Beary)

Rochester, New York: Home of Xerox. Home of Xerox. (Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)

Waldorf, Maryland: In a Certain Light Our Vacant Storefronts Mirror the Emptiness of Your Materialistic Existence (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

Rio de Janeiro: Absolutely Favelas (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Venice: Pothole-Free Since A.D. 421 (Robert Gallagher, Falls Church)

Shanghai: Come Visit Your Money (Cy Gardner)

Singapore: Where Everyone Is Happy -- or Else (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Scaggsville, Maryland: A Great Personality (Bill Armstrong, Dayton [a suburb of Scaggsville])

Morristown, New Jersey: We're Upwind of Newark (Jack Held, Fairfax)

The Future City of Fairfax: From Suburban to Sub-Urbane (Kevin Dopart)

Montgomery Village, Maryland: Our Idiot Is Funnier Than Your Idiot (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

And Last:

Ponder, Texas: One Style Invitational Inker for Every 33 Residents (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Next Week: Disinstrumentals, or Themes and Violations

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