The Lord of the Ring

... Returns

(Eric Shansby)

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By Gene Weingarten

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Today is the latest installment of my continuing, Pulitzer Prize-winning coverage of the plight of the beleaguered customer-service rep.

Colgate-Palmolive Lavender and Chamomile liquid hand soap

Me: I have an emergency.

Kim: How can I help you?

My wife insists on putting your product in our little bathroom, which she also insists on calling a "powder room." The stuff makes your hands smell like the botanical gardens threw up on them.

Kim: What is your emergency?

Me: I accidentally used some.

Kim: Okay, and ... ?

Me: Am I going to become gay?

Kim: No. It is just a fragrance. It is not going to cause you to become gay.

Me: Good. I mean, being gay is fine. But I am married.

Kim: I understand. What soap product do you usually use?

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