The Zodiac Killers: Weingarten on Horoscopes

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By Gene Weingarten
Sunday, October 4, 2009

I am on the phone with David M. Walker, president of the Peter G. Peterson Foundation in New York.

Me: I am not calling about The Lewin Report, which I hadn't even heard of until your press aide asked me whether I was calling about The Lewin Report, something your foundation apparently released today to enormous publicity.

David: Yes. It was a study we funded, to estimate the impact of the House Energy and Commerce bill regarding both coverage and cost. Bottom line, we need to learn to bend the health-care cost curve down, so as to ...

Me: I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.

David: Oh. Well, why are you calling?

Me: I am calling because my birthday is Oct. 2.

David: So is mine!

Me: Specifically, Oct. 2, 1951.

David: Me, too!

Me: Now we're cooking. I am hoping you can help me fight my tendency toward cynicism, which has made me unfairly dismissive of persons with New Age-y, spiritual beliefs, particularly nitwits who buy into astrology. To cure myself of this unseemly prejudice, I decided to locate a few of my astrological clones -- people like you, who share not just my zodiac sign, and not just my birthday, but also my actual year of birth. My goal is to prove the validity of astrology by establishing that the alignment of the stars on Oct. 2, 1951, has made all of us basically the same person.

David: Okay. Where do we start?

Me: I already started. I just got off the phone with a woman named Becky Norton Dunlop. Also born Oct. 2, 1951. When I told her that my politics were so left-wing that I make Barack Obama look like Ronald Reagan, she told me that she made Ronald Reagan look like Ronald Reagan. Literally. She worked for him in the White House, helping push his conservative agenda. Now she's a vice president of the Heritage Foundation, the right-wing think tank whose sole specific mission, as far as I can tell, is to infuriate me. You're not a conservative, are you?


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