Pregame and Postgame, Talk Surrounding Team Is 'Neg-a-tivo'

This fall's Burgundy Revolution has bubbled out of the long-standing grievances of the Redskins' working class, but the intellectuals have now wrapped themselves in the movement, preaching the language of change and solidarity.

And, yeah, every time I think this metaphor has run its course, something like this tweet from John Riggins will flash across my screen: "The Declaration of Independence: We hold these truths to be self evident . . . this is a lost franchise!"

If it's lost, Jimmy Johnson was asked to help find it during the Fox pregame show. What he found was a corrupt and rotting regime, although he foolishly chose to use the metaphor of a scale instead of the metaphor of a barricade manned by rebels from Woodbridge and Waldorf.

"When analyzing a team, you have to look at the positive and negative," Johnson said. "Head Coach Jim Zorn, he's not good enough to do the work that lies ahead. That's a negative. The scouting department, they're trucking around the country doing their job, but no one in the D.C. office is trusting their work. That's a negative.

"Salary cap situation. Well, that's a negative. The team is bloated with high-priced vets. . . . On the other side, how about young, up and coming players. Hmmmm. Can't think of any. Say it with me now: That's a negative. Then there's the quarterback, Jason Campbell is not championship material. Hey, check this out: Neg-a-tivo.

"Since the roster isn't where it should be, the Redskins need extra draft picks to rebuild. However, they don't have any right now. That's a negative. To get any marks in the positive column there has to be a drastic philosophy change. I would put every coach and player on notice. In the next three months, everyone is fighting for their jobs.

"Realize that a great 53-man roster is what wins championships, not five or six high-priced stars. Dan Snyder builds his team like it's fantasy football, and that's a big negative. The Redskins need a GM who can prevent Snyder from making decisions, while letting Snyder think he's involved. Who can work that magic? I don't know."

[Of course, after the Redskins bolted to that halftime lead, Johnson hopped off the barricades and was seen sprinting back toward the palace gate. "Now, I've got to say, what inspired them?" he asked. "Did bringing in Sherman Lewis, did that inspire them? Or did the altercation between Portis and Sellers, did that inspire them? I like to say my piece inspired them."]

[And yes, I realize that the most stunning part of this entire episode is where I suggested above that Jimmy Johnson is an intellectual.]

Anyhow, I knew that Johnson saying Zorn is "not good enough" was bad. But neither could compare to the revolutionary downpour unleashed by Brian Mitchell on Comcast SportsNet's postgame show. This is, to be sure, the harshest thing I've ever heard said about Zorn.

"I like Jim Zorn," Mitchell said, while quietly setting up the guillotine. "I like him because he's honest. I like him because he tries to be quirky and be funny. But I want to be real. I want to ask people, viewers out there: When you see him in press conferences, and the things he says, and the way he looks, does he truly look like a guy that you want to be following, to be your leader? I'm serious. . . . I was with Norv Turner, and Norv was a great coach, but he was not a damn leader. And I see this man being a little less than what Norv Turner was. I'm being honest."

(Less of a leader than Norv? That's like saying that Bud Selig has a bit less charisma than Gary Bettman, or that Buffalo has a bit less civic pride than Detroit.)

"And I don't just talk the talk without knowing what I'm talking about," B-Mitch continued. "He's that way all the time. I would get sick and tired of hearing him. He's just like the teacher on Charlie Brown, 'Wah, wah, wah,' that's all I would hear. I would not hear nothing he's saying. And when you look at this offense, and you look at the progress of this offense, they are on a downward hill, it started off as a little snowball, it's a hell of an avalanche right now."

That's how revolutions always happen, right?