Creative anguish: Redskins inspire poems, text messages and a funeral march

Another day, another inbox just overflowing with rage. Like, I'm thinking about getting my BlackBerry its own Xanax prescription.

To start, if you're not currently near a bridge or railroad track, I'd encourage you to log on to the D.C. Sports Bog and listen to "Fail to the Redskins," a funeral march recorded by the Ashburn Funeral Choir.

"We are mourning the death of a franchise," one of the creators wrote me. "It's a funeral march for every die-hard Redskins fan who hopes that something can be done to keep [owner Daniel] Snyder from further sabotaging any chance this team has at a resurrection."

After seven or eight plays, I felt about as happy as a guy who managed to lose his job without getting fired. Then there's the new sign -- HELP WANTED NEW SKINS COACH -- standing guard outside the Laytonsville District Volunteer Fire Department. The guy who answered the phone at the firehouse laughed when I asked if the sign was real, and laughed again when I asked for an explanation. It was a dreary, "dude, have you not been paying attention?" sort of laugh.

"There's a bunch of Redskins fans here at the firehouse, and they're just not real happy," he said. "It's just a little humor, but we thought everyone could appreciate it."

Then there was the e-mail I got from Ryan, who reminded me of those signs at FedEx that encourage fans to text 78247 for assistance. Sitting in the very last row of section 418, Ryan and his friends decided they needed some assistance at halftime.

Redskins: 2:24:21 PM, WHAT CAN WE ASSIST YOU WITH TODAY?

Ryan: 2:25:26 PM, WE NEED AN OFFENSE ASAP. TELL DAN

Redskins: 2:31:17 PM, TRY TO ENJOY THE GAME

Then, of course, there was the Motley Fool piece, by a Redskins fan, that treated Daniel Snyder the way Vinny Cerrato might treat Jim Zorn, if that follows. Badly, I mean.

"Snyder's Redskins are a textbook example of appalling managerial practices," Nick Kapur wrote. "And trust me, this goes way beyond football. Investors who've sat through the last two years of market performance have definitely seen this type of behavior before. We've seen it at AIG (NYSE: AIG), at Countrywide (now part of Bank of America [NYSE: BAC]), at the trading desks at Bear Stearns (now part of JPMorgan [NYSE: JPM]), Lehman Brothers, and Merrill Lynch (also part of Bank of America).

"The type of myopic thinking that Dan Snyder seems to embrace so tightly helped steer another storied franchise, General Motors, into the ditch it finds itself in today. Whoever taught Snyder about business practices must be getting around a lot, because everyone seems to be playing from the same playbook these days. And that is really a tragedy."

If you prefer verse, you could check out a brand new Edgar Allen Poe-inspired poem about Daniel Snyder, which manages to rhyme "Redskins" with "injured shins" and "develop from within!" Are we still talking about a game? I can't remember.

I know I've previously written about the Web site Fire The Danny, but I only just became acquainted with Impeach Dan Snyder, which on Monday went with the headline, "Cerrato and Snyder Address Shortage of Shermans." No, they didn't choose to turn this into an extended Sherman-dominated metaphor about Snyder marching to the sea and burning everything in his path.

As for Sherman Lewis's new job, good luck to him, but with Chris Samuels out, I'm not sure how much it matters. The Redskins could bring in Maharishi Mahesh Yogi to run the East-Hemisphere Offense, with the spectral Rock Band image of John Lennon as the virtual quarterback, and they're still not scoring any points behind this offensive line.