A rash of doom and gloom . . . and a glimmer of hope

I made a pledge that this entry would not begin with an item involving radio transcripts of ex-Redskins employees trashing the franchise. So instead, let me begin by pointing out the great hope that can be gotten by glancing at last year's Philadelphia Eagles.

Now that we got that out of the way, on to the radio trashings. This millisecond's contestant: ESPN's Mark Schlereth, who at least had the common courtesy to use a metaphor of decay and disease that I hadn't yet heard. This is from Thursday morning's episode of "Mike and Mike in the Morning," during a two-segment-long discussion about Jim Zorn's future.

"He's gone," Schlereth finally said, in the tone those nurses use on television hospital dramas after lovable Mr. Edwards who works up in third-floor janitorial finally gives up the ghost after having been stabbed with a peg leg while rescuing orphans from a band of pirates who had just docked next to the ER drop-off. "By the moves you've made, you've already made that decision. So if you've made that decision, why are you putting off the inevitable?

"You know what, if you've got a rash, throw some cream on it, right? Get a prescription, throw some cream on it. You've got a gigantic rash right now, and you're like, 'Hey, maybe it'll heal! Boy, that thing sure itches, but maybe it'll heal!' That's what you're doing."

I'd take the analogy one step further: The Redskins actually are taking action, but instead of a prescription, they've gone homeopathic, using an ointment made of aloe vera, cod liver oil, lemon juice, wheat germ oil extract, burdock essence, witch hazel tea, cornstarch, peppermint drops and eau de bingo ball. Too many solutions, in other words, not too few.

"He has lost his power," Mike Golic said of Zorn. "They have emasculated him," which seems to be the metaphor of the week, as if the male sexual organ were created specifically in order to call halfback options.

Okay, that's enough. You'll have to go elsewhere to find the part where John Riggins, on WTOP this week, said "there's one word to describe what this franchise is all about right now, and that's decay." And where Riggins added that "this franchise has been taken hostage by someone who has the mind-set of a child."

And also where Frank Herzog said, "The Washington Redskins football team is in the worst shape we've seen in the modern era of pro football." And where Rich Gannon said on his Sirius NFL Radio show, "This is a team that's really in shambles right now," and that the play-calling change "is actually going to turn into a disaster for this organization."

Anyhow, the great hope gotten from last year's Eagles.

"I mean, last year Philadelphia was 2-4 and they went to the playoffs," Zorn said this week. "If Philly started 2-4 last season and made the playoffs then why can't we do the same thing this year?" asked Phillip Daniels on his blog for TheHogs.Net.

"Philly was 2-4 last year and went to the NFC championship game," Clinton Portis added on ESPN 980.

Huzzah! All is not lost!

Only problem is the Eagles actually started 3-3 last year, which winds up being better than 2-4 in most scoring systems. Also, their three losses were by an average of 4.7 points, and their three wins were by an average of 19.3 points. The 2009 Redskins haven't won a game by 19.3 points yet, inasmuch as they haven't technically scored that many points in any game. Still, it's the thought that counts.