You're all invited to a Washington Wizards swag party

What are the defining characteristics of the Washington Wizards? In the past, I might have mentioned the sense of humor, but the funny stuff is mostly in storage, with one player after another proclaiming that you can't be funny when you've got 19 wins.

A seething distrust of all things LeBron also used to be part of the deal. But I watched with my own eyes as Nick Young bought some of LeBron's Nikes in Las Vegas this summer, and Mike Miller actually wears them onto the court without suffering excommunication. So that's out, too.

General weirdness also used to be a staple, headlined by Gilbert Arenas's thought-provoking mono-blogues. Now, when he deigns to speak with members of the media, it's with the sort of electric flavor-burst usually associated with sawdust-and-cardboard-sprinkled oatmeal.

And so, what's left? If one of the team's newcomers asked a longtime vet what he needs to know about being a member of this franchise, what key piece of franchise DNA would the veteran identify?

"Lot of swag," DeShawn Stevenson said. "Just go out there and play with heart. We've got a good team, a good, focused team. A lot of people have good characters on our team, [so] just go out there and work hard."

Wait, still with the swag? A team coming off 19 wins can still have swag? Well, several key members of this team have repeatedly said their only goal is to compete for a championship. The Detroit Lions don't do that; that requires swag.

"We've got enough talent and enough firepower," said Miller, who's already on message. "But now it's on us to go out there and really make it legit, make people understand why we do have swag."

Stevenson defines swag in both on- and off-the-court ways, with the latter including wearing sunglasses indoors, swag here being a synonym for blindness. But Caron Butler has a broader view.

"I mean, everybody got swag in their own right," he said. "Some people don't boast about it, some people do, but just come and just be prepared to win games. And that's the swag that I'm talking about. Just win games, go out there and play hard on both ends of the court, and help us win games. That's all it's about."

Wait, everybody's got swag? Like, everybody?

"Everybody's got their own interpretation," Brendan Haywood said. "D-Steve is all about swag and doing all that other stuff. That's not my style. I'm low-key. I've got a quiet swag. Those are the people with the most swag."

(I'll pause while you try to figure that one out.)