The ABCs of TLC, GSN and A& E: Niche networks skew younger to avoid ending up MIA
Starting Friday, the Weather Channel will interrupt its coverage of whatever tsunami, blizzard, hurricane or tornado is making life a perfect hell for folks in some neck of the world to bring you . . . an old movie.
And in January, GSN will divert its unending stream of vintage and new game shows to bring you the newest iteration of the Carnie Wilson Is Trying to Lose Weight Again reality series.
It's the latest round of highly targeted niche networks looking to beef up -- or young up -- their audience by veering off point. It seems to be a rite of passage played out over and over again.
Remember when the letters TLC stood for The Learning Channel and the network brought you educational and informational programming as opposed to Jon and Kate's divorce-o-rama? Remember when A&E stood for Arts & Entertainment and competed with PBS for sumptuous British-made crunchy-gravel period dramas like "Vanity Fair" and "Horatio Hornblower"? Or when AMC stood for American Movie Classics and aired movies that were actually "classic" and not cut up with commercial breaks? When Syfy was Sci Fi? When MTV meant Music Television and was the destination for medicated viewing of rock videos? Good times.
Sadly, those networks' original identities are long gone and they've become part of the Great Cable Gobbledygook, bringing us a steady stream of inexpensive reality series, reruns of broadcast TV series, old flicks, more reality series, an original scripted program or two, and did we mention reality series?
"Carnie's relatable life story is a perfect fit with our viewers, who are eager to discover the person behind the personality," Kelly Goode, GSN's senior VP of programming, said when it made the announcement -- though we can't imagine what's left to "discover" about a chick who has already put pretty much everything about herself out there, up to and including a Web stream of her gastric bypass surgery in 1999 -- the first time she tried to lose weight for our entertainment. Wilson hosts GSN's "The Newlywed Game."
"Adding films to our Friday night lineup is a great way for us to further demonstrate how weather is an all-encompassing part of our lives that entertains and inspires us," Geoffrey Darby, the Weather Channel's executive VP of programming, said when that network recently made public its movie plan, starting with "The Perfect Storm" and also including "March of the Penguins" and "Deep Blue Sea."
If you could swallow that horseradish, you had no problem when he said:
"From the Nor'easter in 'The Perfect Storm' to the tornado that takes Dorothy to Oz, weather has a long history as a film star."
Darby knew better than to try to explain how the Stephen King horror flick "Misery" fit into the whole "weather" brand -- the network has scheduled it for Friday the 13th (of November). He left it to a publicist to tell the New York Times that the flick featured "a blinding snowstorm, so the weather plays an important role in the plot, even if it's not the main character."
Even so, some reporters weren't buying this hooey, including trade publication TV Week, whose managing editor Chuck Ross wondered: If "Misery" passed the smell test, did that mean the Weather Channel would soon add "Animal House" to its movie repertoire because "the high jinks really heat up whenever John Belushi is on the screen?"
* * *