Carolyn Hax

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

In your experience, is a couple's style of dog-owning indicative of parenting style? My husband and I spoil our dog rotten. We don't want to but feel somehow powerless to change. I'm six months pregnant and want desperately not to spoil my child!

Dogs and Babies

In my experience, dog-rearing style is a deadly accurate predictor of child-rearing style.

If you spoil your dog because "yes" is easier than "no," or makes you feel more likable, then you need to learn to say no to yourself: No shortcuts, no pandering.

The job of all parents is to set limits. The job of kids -- people -- is to resist limits, even when they're good for us.

That's the central tension of child-rearing, and to be consistent, effective parents you need to decide where you fall on this issue (the all-"no" parents are almost as bad as the all-"yes" parents).

Find your spine -- and prep your dog for the baby's arrival -- in a good dog-obedience class. Graduate to a parenting class if you still feel "powerless."

Dear Carolyn: