D.C. SPORTS BOG: Just another boring week
Thursday, January 7, 2010
This is the first week of the new and improved Washington Times, the one that doesn't technically include any sportswriters. It turns out this was an excellent week to make the switch, since nothing much happened in the world of D.C. sports.
And I'm not even including things like the Nationals introducing closer Matt Capps, forcing the hockey team to scout a Sergei Natts, or D.C. United introducing new coach Curt Onalfo, who closed a local bar with about 30 supporters while buying the entire crew a round. No, I'm just talking about the sort of no-one-cares stories that make for national headlines and overflowing Web traffic.
Monday, predawn: Jim Zorn gets fired before the first cup of coffee. The media table at Redskins Park is soon overloaded with pizza and doughnuts, in an attempt to make sure none of us are alive for the next coaching change, set for January 2012.
Monday, mid-afternoon: In an attempt to write a sympathetic piece, I ask Chris Wilson what he'll remember about Zorn. "How awkward he was at speeches," Wilson says. During one pregame speech, Zorn asked, "Who's ever been whitewater rafting, and I think only maybe two hands went up." Both hands were white. Fred Smoot said, "That's why it's called WHITEwater rafting." Not sure which game this is, but I'm sure the Redskins got paddled.
Monday, late afternoon: Mike Shanahan arrives at Dulles. New TSA regulations unfortunately force him to spend the final hour of the flight with his suitcases full of cash stowed beneath his seat instead of on his lap.
Monday evening: Gilbert Arenas's law firm issues a statement saying how sorry he is for causing an international incident by bringing guns to the Verizon Center. Gilbert complains the statement didn't include enough laugh lines.
Tuesday afternoon: On the radio, Clinton Portis questions Jason Campbell's leadership skills and says his relationship with Daniel Snyder is not how it's been portrayed. "As far as us going to dinner and all that, I don't think me and him get in the car and go to dinner together," Portis explains. "Have we ended up at the same restaurant? Numerous times. I mean, he likes good food, and so do I, so if we're in the same restaurant, why wouldn't I go speak or exchange a glass of wine or a bottle of wine?" J.D. Skolnitzky should invest in some Syrah.
Tuesday evening: Alex Ovechkin becomes the first European-born captain in Caps history. Ted Leonsis explains that the team kept things low-key because "this was just the right way to do it: cozy, homey, authentic." Great, another owner getting cozy with his players.
Tuesday evening: Arenas tells reporters, "If I really did something wrong, I would feel remorse in what I did, but I didn't do anything."
His lawyers call Eddie Jordan for advice.
Tuesday night: Reporters corner Mike Shanahan leaving The Palm with Snyder. Neither grants interviews. Reporters apparently failed to send over a bottle of wine.
Wednesday morning: PETA reveals a new ad, starring Arenas. Seriously.
Wednesday early afternoon: Shanahan is introduced as Snyder's seventh coach. He says that Marty Schottenheimer advised him "if that opportunity presents itself, jump on it." Just like a grenade, concluded Marty's internal dialogue.
Wednesday late afternoon: Gilbert is suspended indefinitely. His law firm issues another statement, titled "This time he really means it."