Parents' demands for visit just result in guilt trip

1. Simplify the concepts: "We know you love [Baby], but the travel is wiping us out, and the second-guessing about who we visit really hurts."

2. Spoon-feed: Set up a visit schedule. It can be a simple list of families -- A, B, C, A, B, C, A, B, C -- where you see each in order, at home or away, as you please. Or, it can be a geek cabaret, with spreadsheets and time logs and minimum weekends off. Whatever it is, make it something you and your husband agree upon, then present it to all parties as nonnegotiable.

3. Reward good behavior: Whenever you aren't pressured, say, "Thank you so much for not pressuring us." They'll either be happy you're happy, or gleeful for their perceived leg up on the grandparental competition. Their motivation isn't your problem; this is about results.

4. Discourage bad behavior: When the guilting starts, say, "We are trying to be fair to everyone. Please respect our choices." If the pressure continues, say: "I'm sorry, I won't discuss this any further," and then end call/change subject/leave room.

They all want you; the consequence is your absence. Be meticulous about small absences and you likely won't need to withhold visits.

5. Hold firm: "We are doing our best. Please respect our choices. [Change subject.]" Your family -- you, spouse, baby -- comes first.

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