Couch Slouch: Again, the Super Bowl provides plenty of entertainment on TV

By Norman Chad
Monday, February 8, 2010; D06

It wasn't Giants-Patriots or Steelers-Cardinals, but Saints-Colts was almost scintillating and almost sensational. America is on the uptick; I'll bet you even bin Laden was watching. With Super Bowls like this, we're again a superpower with a smile, baby!

As usual, I viewed it all and took copious notes:

2:02 p.m. ET: Haven't I seen CBS's Jim Nantz and Peyton Manning together in a Sony commercial? And now they're together at Super Bowl XLIV -- what a small world!

2:11: Pam Tebow does commercial celebrating her son Tim. I'm still concerned about his arm strength.

3:27: Pizza Hut advertises "any pizza, any size, any crust, any toppings -- just $10." Then, in small print, it says, "additional charge for stuffed crust pizza." Uh, so it's not any pizza, any crust blah blah blah. That's America.

4:35: Katie Couric interviews President Obama. What, Shannon Sharpe can't do double duty?

5:34: Sharpe: "As you look at these guys warming up on the field, they know it's about football now." As opposed to forensic science.

5:52: If the E*Trade baby replaced Norman Esiason, what would we lose?

6:01: Go Google some Jay-Z lyrics and see if he should be kicking off the kickoff show of the Super Bowl.

6:23: Nantz: "Coming up, the coin toss!" Oh, they're going to fit a game in?

6:36: Back when he wore "GIANTS" on his helmet, I hoped Phil Simms got sacked during warmups. But once he stepped out of Giants Stadium and into a broadcast booth, I discovered he is a delightful game companion.

(Fast Fact: According to the Wall Street Journal, there are 106 pets in the U.S. -- out of a 475,000-animal database -- named after Peyton Manning and 32 named after Drew Brees. None is named Norv.)

6:44: Could've sworn I saw Peyton running the no-huddle while shopping at Safeway the other day.

6:45: When Peyton tells his kids bedtime stories, I wonder if he changes them as he goes along.

6:46: During rush hour, you've got to figure Peyton directs traffic.

6:47: When Peyton and his wife have relations, something tells me he has a foreplay clock in his head.

7:41: Saints' Sean Payton goes for it on fourth and goal. I turn to my dog Sapphire and tell her I'd kick the field goal.

7:50: Agreeing with Payton's call, Bill Cowher says, "He sends a message to his football team: 'I'm playing to win the game.' " And I thought he was there to watch The Who.

8:22: Payton starts second half with successful onside kick. I guess he REALLY wants to win.

8:24: I'm sure he does a good job, but I assume some Colts starters don't even know Jim Caldwell is the head coach.

8:27: With the Saints driving to take their first lead, Toni -- a.k.a. She Is The One (And Then Some) -- asks me what I want for dinner.

8:27:15: Hey, I understand and accept " 'til death do us part," but if the little lady interrupts the game one more time, it's going to be somebody's funeral.

8:53: If you told me there'd be a weed killer commercial during the Super Bowl, I'd tell you you'd been smoking some of it.

9:17: Referee Scott Green overturns failed two-point conversion call on replay challenge, giving Saints a 24-17 lead.

If that was indisputable visual evidence, then I'm a Bolshoi-trained ballerina.

9:26: As Peyton drives Colts for potential game-tying drive, my stepson Isaiah asks where his weekly allowance is.

9:26:15: I make a note to check my prenup after the game.

9:28: Peyton is picked -- I replay it on my TiVo because I believe it must be an optical illusion.

9:42: If I'm Drew Brees, I'm not going to Disney World, I'm going to Denny's for a Free Grand Slam Breakfast Tuesday.

Ask The Slouch

Q. If there's an NFL lockout in 2011, what will Ron Jaworski do with his time? (Terence Lane; Columbia, S.C.)

A. The prospect of an NFL lockout is so horrifying, ESPN colleagues have been instructed to not even mention it to Jaws.

Q. What was Lane Kiffin's recruiting pitch to land a 13-year-old at USC? (Paul Lyons; Spokane, Wash.)

A. I believe Kiffin promised him Halloweens off.

Q. Is it okay if I sometimes skip over your column and read just the questions and answers? (Don Gallovic; Lakewood, Ohio)

A. Maybe I'll start a hidden $500 reader giveaway in the body of the column -- that will bring you back, won't it?

Q. Are people who play soccer video games required to work the controls with their feet? (Jim Mannella; Pittsburgh)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!

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